Recollections of a chaperonSullivan, Arabella Jane
General
Recollections of a chaperon
Sullivan, Arabella Jane
English fiction -- 19th century
Lord Sotheron returned to his home, humbled also, but soured and
embittered. He was angry with himself for having condescended to
solicit, indignant with ministers for having refused, and estranged
from Maria, whom he looked upon as the clog which must ever prevent
his rising in the career for which he felt himself formed. Hitherto,
although neglectful, he had never been unkind; indeed, on any occasion
of illness or distress, he had been attentive and devoted; she had
flattered herself that, although often dormant, his affection for her
was still all there. But ambition, like the love of gambling, when once
it possesses the mind, gradually swallows up all other feelings, and he
was now captious, sullen, he spoke sharply to her, seemed bored with
what she said, and occasionally implied that she could know nothing of
what was going on in the world. She suffered in silence. This was not
a case in which open communication would be of any avail. When did a
discussion ever call back to life extinct affection? Affection once
extinct, what material had she to work upon? There were moments when
she thought it hard _he_ should be the person, in manner, if not in
words, to reproach her for her error. At least that error was mutual,
and she remembered the arguments, the entreaties, the vows, the oaths
he had employed to lead her to the very step for which he now despised
her. But oftener, far oftener, she found excuses for him in that heart
where he was so dearly cherished; she reflected how galling it must be
to a proud and eager temper to have sued in vain; she looked back with
tenderness and gratitude to the many proofs of affection he had given
her in former times, and she pitied rather than resented his present
irritation.
Mrs. Fitz-Eustace remarked with sorrow the altered temper of her son,
but her health, which had been of late declining, had in some measure
communicated its languor to her mind. She was gradually fading away,
but so gradually, that it was not till she was very near her end, that
her son began to take alarm.
Extreme in every thing, he was angry with her for not having warned him
of the state of her health. He reproached her for having allowed her
sickness to creep on without calling their attention to the alarming
symptoms of which she was herself aware. She gently smiled, and told
him death had no terrors for one, for whom life had no charms.
“If I had seen you happy—” she added, “but as it is, I look forward
almost with impatience to the moment of re-union with him from whom my
heart has never for one moment been severed.”
As Walter and Maria knelt by their mother’s death-bed, as she blessed
them both with her faint sweet voice, their hearts once more opened to
each other, and they mingled tears of sorrow which to Maria were not
wholly devoid of sweetness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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