Recollections of a chaperonSullivan, Arabella Jane
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Recollections of a chaperon
Sullivan, Arabella Jane
English fiction -- 19th century
Every morning he walked into the town, and claimed his letters at the
post-office, then hurried to the shore, there to feast upon the lines
traced by his beloved Ellen’s hand. The enthusiastic turn of mind,
which we at first described him as possessing, enabled him, better
perhaps than another man, to endure the life of abnegation of self,
which he here led. His passion was of so pure, so refined a character,
that in sober truth, he had rather sit alone on a sea-girt rock, and
think of her whom he worshipped with so holy a love, than be in the
society of any other living being, however lovely, however fascinating.
Weeks however elapsed, and even his highly wrought nature was beginning
to tire of this protracted uncertainty. He formed a thousand desperate
plans; he nearly convinced himself that they were both sacrificing
their happiness to a frivolous punctilio; that Mr. Cresford never would
return—that if he did, still in the eye of Heaven she was his, not
Cresford’s wife, and that there would be no guilt in their flying to
the uttermost parts of the earth, and there existing for each other
alone.
But although he might think such thoughts, he never ventured to commit
them to paper when writing to her. He never again proposed their
living together, if their union was not sanctioned by the laws. There
was a spotless lofty purity about her that he dared not outrage by
word, or look. He knew also, that even supposing he should succeed in
persuading her to fly with him, still, that with her disposition, her
religious principles, she could never find happiness in his devotion,
if remorse was an inmate of her bosom. He had courage to endure all
ills, rather than to meet her reproachful eye;—to feel he had caused
that innocent heart to know the pangs of a wounded conscience;—to feel
that her religion, which was now her only source of consolation, had,
through his means, been converted into a source of terror. The romantic
adventures and feelings of his own early life did not lead to his
experiencing the same orthodox scruples himself, but the enthusiastic
devotedness of his disposition made him respect them, even while he
thought them over-strained.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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