I suspect this will be the last summer we shall spend at Weybridge,
as we are going to give our cottage up, I believe. I shall regret
it extremely for my mother; it is agreeable to and very good for
her. I do not care much about it for myself; indeed, I care very
little where I go; I do not like leaving any place, but the tie of
habit, which is quickly formed and strong in me, once broken, I can
easily accommodate myself to the next change, which, however, I
always pray may be the last. My mother and myself had yesterday a
serious, and to me painful, conversation on the necessity of not
only not hating society, but tolerating and mixing in it. She and
my father have always been disinclined to it, but their
disinclination has descended to me in the shape of active dislike,
and I feel sometimes inclined to hide myself, to escape sitting
down and communing with my fellow-creatures after the fashion that
calls itself social intercourse. I can't help fancying (which,
however, _may_ be a great mistake) that the hours spent in my own
room reading and writing are better employed than if devoted to
people and things in which I feel no interest whatever, and do not
know how to pretend the contrary.
I must do justice to my mother, however, for any one more
reasonable, amiable, and kind, in this as in most respects, can not
exist than herself; but nevertheless, when I went to bed last night
I sat by my open window, looking at the moon and thinking of my
social duties, and then scribbled endless doggerel in a highly
Byronic mood to deliver my mind upon the subject, after which,
feeling amazingly better, I went to bed and slept profoundly,
satisfied that I had given "society" a death-blow. But really,
jesting apart, the companionship of my own family--those I live
with, I mean--satisfies me entirely, and I have not the least
desire for any other.
Good-by, my dearest H----; do not punish me for not writing sooner
by not answering this for two months; but be a nice woman and write
very soon to yours ever,
FANNY.
P.S.--I am reading the memoirs of Mademoiselle de Montpensier, la
Grande Mademoiselle, written by herself: if you never read them,
do; they are very interesting and amusing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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