I am in a great hurry, because my parcel is not made up yet, and I
expect your brother's emissary to call at every moment. I send you
my play, also an album of mine, also an unfinished sketch of me,
also a copy of my will. The play you must not keep, because it is
my only copy; neither must you keep my album, because I want to
finish one of the pieces of verse begun in it; my picture--such as
it is--begun, but never finished, by Dick ----, I thought you would
like better than nothing. He has finished one that is a very good
likeness of me, but it was done for my mother, or I should have
wished you to have it. My will I made last week, while I was in bed
with the measles, and want you to keep that.
I have been very ill for the last fortnight, but am well again now.
I am pressed for time to-day, but will soon write to you in
earnest.
I'm afraid you'll find my play very long; when my poor father began
cutting it, he looked ruefully at it, and said, "There's plenty of
it, Fan," to which my reply is Madame de Sevigne's, "Si j'eusse eu
plus de temps, je ne t'aurais pas ecrit si longuement." Dear H----,
if you knew how I thought of you, and the fresh, sweet mayflowers
with which we filled our baskets at Heath Farm, while I lay parched
and full of pain and fever in my illness!
Yours ever,
FANNY.
My beloved aunt Dall nursed and tended me in my sickness with unwearied
devotion; and one day when I was convalescent, finding me depressed in
spirits and crying, she said laughingly to me, "Why, child, there is
nothing the matter with you; but you are weak in body and mind." This
seemed to me the most degraded of all conceivable conditions, and I fell
into a redoublement of weeping over my own abasement and imbecility.
My attention was suddenly attracted to a large looking-glass opposite my
bed, and it occurred to me that in my then condition of nerves nothing
was more likely than that I should turn visionary and fancy I beheld
apparitions. And under this conviction I got up and covered the glass,
in which I felt sure I should presently "see sic sights as I daured na
tell." I speak of this because, though I was in a physical condition not
unlikely to produce such phenomena, I retained the power of perceiving
that they would be the result of my physical condition, and that I
should in some measure be accessory to my own terror, whatever form it
might assume.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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