My dearest H----, you express something of regret at my necessity
(I can hardly call it choice) of a profession. There are many times
when I myself cannot help wishing it might have been otherwise; but
then come other thoughts: the talent which I possess for it was, I
suppose, given to me for some good purpose, and to be used.
Nevertheless, when I reflect that although hitherto my profession
has not appeared to me attractive enough to engross my mind, yet
that admiration and applause, and the excitement springing
therefrom, may become necessary to me, I resolve not only to watch
but to pray against such a result. I have no desire to sell my soul
for anything, least of all for sham fame, mere notoriety. Besides,
my mind has such far deeper enjoyment in other pursuits; the
happiness of reading Shakespeare's heavenly imaginations is so far
beyond all the excitement of acting them (white satin, gas lights,
applause, and all), that I cannot conceive a time when having him
in my hand will not compensate for the absence of any amount of
public popularity. While I can sit obliviously curled up in an
armchair, and read what he says till my eyes are full of delicious,
quiet tears, and my heart of blessed, good, quiet thoughts and
feelings, I shall not crave that which falls so far short of any
real enjoyment, and hitherto certainly seems to me as remote as
possible from any real happiness.
This enviable condition of body and mind was mine while studying
Portia in "The Merchant of Venice," which is to be given on the
25th for my benefit. I shall be much frightened, I know, but I
delight in the part; indeed, Portia is my favoritest of all
Shakespeare's women. She is so generous, affectionate, wise, so
arch and full of fun, and such a true lady, that I think if I could
but convey her to my audience as her creator has conveyed her to
me, I could not fail to please them much. I think her speech to
Bassanio, after his successful choice of the casket, the most
lovely, tender, modest, dignified piece of true womanly feeling
that was ever expressed by woman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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