This first day is a sample of Esther's new life; the other days were
like it--not a jot better, not a jot worse. The same thing happened at
the same time each day: no two things ever changed places. It was a
life that provided all the necessaries of life--that demanded no hard
manual labour, no overworking of the brain. The intellectual faculties
that it called into play must have been possessed by any moderately
intelligent seven-years' child. No one bullies Esther; no one oppresses
her; no one troubles their head much about her. So as she performs her
monotonous, easy, tiresome little duties towards them, the old people
have no sort of objection to her enjoying life, _if she can_. With
the aged, comfort and happiness are interchangeable terms: continuous
warmth of body, pleasant-tasted meats, a profound stagnant quiet around
their arm-chairs, much sleep--these are their _summum bonum_. They have
had love, and have outlived it--excitement also, and grief: they have
outlived all but the elemental instincts that refuse to be outlived.
Looking back from the vantage-ground of dotage on the fought battle
of life, they wonder that any one can long to be in the thick of it.
In this life of Esther's there are no hardships to be borne--none of
those sufferings, the enduring of which with self-conscious complacent
heroism almost compensates them. It has none of the elements of
tragedy: there is nothing very noble in bearing with respectable
patience the trifling annoyance of making yourself hoarse roaring the
price of wheat, and the pros and cons of disendowment, into an old
man's ear; there is nothing grand in picking up the countless dropped
stitches in an old woman's knitting. In it there is nothing to endure,
nothing to enjoy; it is essentially negative, flat, stale, sterile. It
would be all very well if any end were to be seen to it; if it were
not a sort of small Eternity in life; if there were to be distant
holidays to be looked forward to, when the few saved pounds might be
poured, with the joyful generosity of the very poor, into some stricken
parent's lap--might go to buy boots and shoes for needy little brothers
and sisters. But
"Fatherly, motherly, sisterly, brotherly
Home she has none."
All her life seems crowded into the seventeen years behind her;
there seems to be nothing left to happen in the fifty or sixty
years ahead. She has nothing to look forward to but huge cycles of
newspaper-reading, footstool-carrying, message-running; of lending all
her useful organs of sight and hearing and touch to others; of keeping
for herself only her suffering, aching, empty heart!
"Every succeeding year will steal something away from her beauty."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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