The housemaid being gone, Esther bolts the door--a weakly defensive
measure against one class of assailants, the crape-masked burglars;
though, as she is aware, utterly impotent against the other and worse
class--the intangible, unkeep-outable _revenants_; the rustlers along
the passage, the rattlers of the lock. She then seats herself at the
dressing-table, flings down her arms among her brushes and combs, and
sinks her head upon them, in closest proximity to the candles, whose
little spires of flame the wind, thrusting its thin body in between
window and frame, drives right against the tumbled plenty of her hair.
In this attitude she remains a long time; forgetting even to search
under the bed, up the chimney, behind the screen, or in the huge
japanned chest, upon which a disconnected but interesting landscape of
cocks, pagodas, and junks picks itself out, in tarnished yellow, from
the dull black ground.
It is impossible for the most comprehensive mind or body to contain any
two distinct, even though not necessarily opposite feelings, in their
fullest force, at the same time. If one is famished with hunger, one
cannot be consumed by thirst; if one is consumed by thirst, one cannot
be famished with hunger. If one is in despair at being forgotten by
one's lover, one is indifferent as to the onset of any number of ghosts
and murderers; if one is paralyzed by fear of ghosts and murderers, one
is tolerably indifferent as to one's lover's lapse of memory. For the
first time since his death, Jack is not the leading thought in Esther's
mind. Poor dead! How can they be so unreasonable as to expect to be
anyone's leading thought? Even we noisy, voiceful, visible living are
obliged to keep crying out, "I am here--remember me," in order not to
sink into oblivion amongst our neighbours and kinsfolk.
"Wilt thou remember me when I am gone,
Further each day from thy vision withdrawn--
Thou in the sunset, and I in the dawn?"
Pretty, tender, touching lines; but I think that the answer to them, if
given truly, would hardly content the asker: "I will remember thee for
a very little while; even till I see some one younger and prettier than
thou wert, and then I will forget thee!"
Miss Craven starts up, after awhile, and begins to walk up and
down, over the creaky, up-and-downy boards, and to speak vehemently
and out loud to the rats, who, numerous and cheerful as usual, are
scrabbling, pattering, squeaking under the floor, behind the wainscot,
in the japan-chest. "At all events," she says, with a sort of savage
satisfaction, "there is one comfort: he'll be miserable--he'll curse
the day when he ties himself to that lump of blancmange. Blancmange!
white meat! that exactly expresses her; she looks as if she would
be good to eat--soft, luscious, ripe. Unfortunately, a man does not
contemplate _eating_ his wife!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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