"If you think so, it must indeed be dead," he answers, deeply wounded.
"Why will you insist on driving me into a corner?" she asks, with the
accent of a person rendered irritable by pain. "Why will you force me
to make admissions that I don't want to make? What is the good of my
owning that I love you still, when I am determined never to marry you?"
"_Never to marry me!_" he repeats; unable, in his immense surprise, to
do more than say her own words after her. A man is always overwhelmed
with astonishment at the idea of any woman not being overjoyed to
espouse him.
"Never to marry you!" she reiterates, steadily. "I was a bad-enough
match for you before--without fortune, position, or connexion; people
would have pitied you then for being drawn into such a marriage; but
now----"
"But now, what?"
"But now that I am a _companion_," she continues, with a bitter
pride--"an anomalous animal, just two shades higher than the
lady's-maid in my own estimation, and probably not that in any one
else's--a companion, too, of whom people can say the things that Miss
Blessington will say of me now----"
"What do you mean? What sort of things _can_ she say?"
But Esther maintains a shamed red silence.
"That you are completely _passée?_"
"No, not that!--that would not concern me much."
"That the way you cough in the evening fidgets her to death?"
"No, not that."
"That you are over-sensitive, as these sort of people always are?"
(with a faint mimicking of Miss Blessington's slow languor of
articulation).
"No, not that."
"What then?"
"You _must_ remember the things she said; you were there, and it is not
more than five hours ago," she answers, with some impatience.
"I forget every word she uttered except three."
"And what were they?"
"You are free."
"She did not mean them," says Esther, trying to speak with
dispassionate calmness; "she was under an erroneous impression when she
said them; she will take you back again."
"Take me back again!" he repeats, angrily. "Good heavens, Esther! are
you bent on driving me mad? Not satisfied with refusing me point-blank
yourself, are you determined to insult me, by forcing upon me a woman
for whom, as you know--as you must have known from the first moment
you saw us together--I have never felt anything but the profoundest,
coldest indifference?"
"I meant no insult," she replies, apologetically: "I only meant to say
what is true--that _she_ is a suitable match for you--that _she_ is
your equal."
"Is she?" he retorts ironically. "You are very good, I'm sure; I ask
for bread, and you give me a stone. For God's sake, Essie, if you will
have nothing to say to me yourself, at least spare me the degradation
of listening to your kind and disinterested plans for my welfare!"
Under this severe snub, Miss Craven remains silent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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