And it comes to pass, that there falls a day when these sick fancies
pass--when the pain and breathlessness pass--and when Esther lies in
utter exhaustion, weak as a day-old babe, whiter than any Annunciation
lily, between her sheets. Eyes and ears and power of touch are still
hers: but it seems as though all objects of sensation, of sight and
sound and touch, reach her only through a thick blanket. She can see,
as if at an immense distance off, shrouded in mist, the faces of doctor
and nurse as they lean over her, and then, turning away, whisper
together. She cannot hear what they say; she has no wish to hear--she
has no wish for anything; only she lies, staring, with great eyes,
straight before her at the bed-hangings, at the ceiling, at the little
countless pigeon-holes in her toilet-table. One of the windows is open;
and heaven's sweet breath circulates fresh and slow through the quiet
room.
It is Sunday; the village people are clustering about the church-door;
the violets, like blue eyes that have slept through winter's night,
are opening under the churchyard wall. The bells are ringing; now,
loud and clear--"ding-dong bell! ding-dong bell!" almost as if they
were being rung in the still chamber itself--they come; now, faint and
far; the wind has caught the sound in his rough hand, and carried it
otherwhither. Whether they ring loud or faint, whether they ring or
ring not at all, she has no care; she has no care for anything. She is
very weary: it seems as if there were but a faint life-spark left in
her; she can scarce lift her hand to her head. Now and then they raise
her up, and, without asking her consent, pour brandy and beef-tea down
her reluctant throat. She is _so_ tired! Oh! why cannot they leave her
alone! The slow hours roll themselves round; the people have gone into
church, and have come out again.
Mr. Brand is here still; he is entering at the door; he is leaning over
her. What can he have to say that he must needs look so solemn over?
"My dear Miss Craven," he begins, with slow distinctness, as if he
imagined that her illness had carried away her powers of hearing, "Mr.
Winter is here; would not you like to see him?"
Mr. Winter is the meek M.A., whose voice the old squire drowns.
She fixes her great eyes,
"Yet larger through her leanness,"
upon his face--wondering as a child's just opened upon this strange
green world. "I--why should I?" she asks, in a faint astonished
whisper. She cannot speak above a whisper.
The good man looks embarrassed. "You are very ill," he says, indirectly.
"Am I?"
"And people in your situation generally wish for the holy offices of a
minister of the Church."
"Do they?" She is too feeble to join one link to another in the
simplest chain of reasoning. She has failed to grasp his meaning. He
looks baffled, uneasy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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