"Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Don't you hear me calling to you? Don't you
hear me telling you that I can't live without you? The hymn was
right--'Other refuge have I none, Hangs my helpless soul on Thee'--only
it was written of you, not of that far, far away God who does not care.
Only care for me. Only love me. Only give me those cool hands that I may
lean my forehead against them. No help can come to me except through
you. Stoop down to me and raise me up, for I love you."
The sun went in suddenly, and a cold shadow fell on the pillar and on
Hugh's heart.
Love and marriage were not for him. That far-away God, that Judge in the
black cap, had pronounced sentence against him, had doomed that he
should die in his sins. When he had sat in his own village church only
last Sunday between his mother and sister, he had seen the empty place
on his chancel wall where the tablet to his memory would be put up. When
he walked through the church-yard, his mother leaning on his arm, his
step regulated by her feeble one, he had seen the vacant space by his
father's grave already filled by the mound of raw earth which would
shortly cover him. His heart had ached for his mother, for the gentle,
feeble-minded sister, who had transferred the interest in life, which
keeps body and soul together, from her colorless existence to that of
her brother. Hughie was the romance of her gray life: what Hughie said,
what Hughie thought, Hughie's wife--oh, jealous thought, only to be met
by prayer! But later on--joy of joys--Hughie's children! He realized it,
now and then, vaguely, momentarily, but never as fully as last Sunday.
He shrank from the remembrance, and his mind wandered anew in the
labyrinth of broken, twisted thought, from which he could find no way
out.
_There must be some way out!_ He had stumbled callously through one day
after another of these weeks in which he had not seen Rachel towards his
next meeting with her, as a half-blind man stumbles towards the light.
But the presence of Rachel afforded no clew to the labyrinth. What vain
hope was this that he had cherished unconsciously that she could help
him. There was no help for him. There was no way out. He was in a trap.
He must die, and soon, by his own hand. Incredible, preposterous fate!
He shuddered, and looked around him involuntarily.
His glance, reverent, full of timid longing, fell on Rachel, and his
heart cried aloud, suddenly, "If she loves me, I shall not be able to
leave her."
CHAPTER XXV
Look in my face! my name is Might-have-been;
I am also called No-more, Too-late, Farewell.
--DANTE GABRIEL ROSSETTI.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account