"Just so," said Dick, helping himself to mustard. "But, you see, I'm his
cousin, and I thought it just as well to let him know quietly and
dispassionately what I thought of him. So I told him I was not
particular about my acquaintances. I knew lots of bad eggs out in
Australia, half of them hatched in England, chaps who'd been shaved and
tubbed gratis by Government--in fact, I'd a large visiting list, but
that I drew the line at such a cad as him, and that he might remember I
wasn't going to preach for him at any more of his little cold-water
cures"--a smile hovered on Dick's crooked mouth--"or ever take any
notice of him in future. That was what he wanted, my lord. You were too
soft with him, if you'll excuse my saying so. But that sort of chap
wants it giving him hot and strong. He doesn't understand anything else.
He gets quite beyond himself, fizzing about on his little
pocket-handkerchief of a parish, thinking he is a sort of god, because
no one makes it their business to keep him in his place, and rub it into
him that he is an infernal fool. That is why some clergymen jaw so,
because they never have it brought home to them what rot they talk.
They'd be no sillier than other men if they were only treated properly.
I was very calm, but I let him have it. I told him he was a mean sneak,
and that either he was the biggest fool or the biggest rogue going, and
that the mere fact of his cloth did not give him the right to do
dishonest things with other people's property, though it did save him
from the pounding he richly deserved. He tried to interrupt; indeed, he
was tooting all the time like a fog-horn, but I did not take any notice,
and I wound up by saying it was men like him who brought discredit on
the Church and on the clergy, and who made the gorge rise of decent
chaps like me. Yes," said Dick, after a pause, "when I left him he
understood, I don't say entirely, but he had a distant glimmering. It
isn't often I go on these errands of mercy, but I felt that the least I
could do was to back you up, my lord. Of course, it is in little matters
like this that lay helpers come in, who are not so hampered about their
language as I suppose the clergy are."
The Bishop tried, he tried hard, to look severe, but his mouth twitched.
"Don't thank me," said Dick. "Nothing is a trouble where you are
concerned. It was--ahem--a pleasure."
"That I can believe," said the Bishop. "Well, Dick, Providence makes use
of strange instruments--the jawbone of an ass has a certain Scriptural
prestige. I dare say you reached poor Gresley where I failed. I
certainly failed. But, if it is not too much to ask, I should regard it
as a favor another time if I might be informed beforehand what
direction your diocesan aid was about to take."
Dr. Brown, who often came to luncheon at the Palace, came in now. He
took off his leathern driving-gloves and held his hands to the fire.
"Cold," he said. "They're skating everywhere. How is Miss Gresley?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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