"But I should have been the real enemy if I had had power to save you,
which, thank God! I had not. That hour had to be. It was necessary. You
may not care about your own character, but I do. There is something
stubborn and inflexible in you--the seamy side of your courage and
steadfastness--which cannot readily enter into the feelings of others or
put itself in their place. I think it is want of imagination--I mean the
power of seeing things as they are. You are the kind of woman who, if
you had married comfortably some one you rather liked, might have become
like Sybell Loftus, who never understands any feeling beyond her own
microscopic ones, and who measures love by her own small preference for
Doll. You would have had no more sympathy than she has. People, like
Sybell, believe one can only sympathize with what one has experienced.
That is why they are always saying, 'as a mother,' or 'as a wife.' If
that were true the world would have to get on without sympathy, for no
two people have the same experience. Only a shallow nature believes
that a resemblance in two cups means that they both contain the same
wine. Sybell believes it, and you would have been very much the same,
not from lack of perception, as in her case, but from want of using your
powers of perception. If you had not undergone an agonized awakening,
all the great realities of life--love, hatred, temptation,
enthusiasm--would have remained for you as they have remained for
Sybell, merely pretty words to string on light conversation. That is why
I can't bear to hear her speak of them, because every word she says
proves she has not known them. But the sword that pierced your heart
forced an entrance for angels, who had been knocking where there was no
door--until then."
Silence.
"Since when is it that people have turned to you for comfort and
sympathy?"
No answer.
"Rachel, on your oath, did you ever really care for the London poor
until you became poor yourself, and lived among them?"
"No."
"But they were there all the time. You saw them in the streets. It was
not as if you only heard of them. You saw them. Their agony, their vice,
was written large on their faces. There was a slum almost at the back of
that great house in Portman Square where you lived many years in luxury
with your parents."
"Don't," said Rachel, her lip trembling.
"I must. You did not care then. If a flagrant case came before you you
gave something like other uncharitable people who hate feeling
uncomfortable. But you care _now_. You seek out those who need you.
Answer me. Were they cheaply bought or not, that compassion and love for
the degraded and the suffering which were the outcome of your years of
poverty in Museum Buildings?"
"They were cheaply bought," said Rachel, with conviction, speaking with
difficulty.
"Would you have learned them if you had gone on living in Portman
Square?"
"Oh, Hester! would anybody?"
"Yes, they would. But that is not the question. Would _you?_"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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