Red Saunders' Pets and Other CrittersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Red Saunders' Pets and Other Critters
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Humorous stories
"These here Greasers get the best chunks," says Jackson, "because they
got more time to hunt. Now, don't look cross-eyed," says he to 'em; "I
pay you five a day, and you fish two hundred for yourselves." At which
the Greasers smiled a little again, feelin' that things weren't without
their cheerful side.
"Boys, I got to leave you," says Hunter. "The next time you come
through here, you'll see a log cabin built to hold two or more with
comfort, because I ain't such a blatting fool to build a house that's
going to take my wife's attention from me--log cabin's good enough.
Don't mention that to Miss Lorna Goodwin when you see her, because I
ain't took her in my confidence that far yet, but say a good word for
your uncle, and by-by! Get up, there, Mary! Straighten them traces,
Victoria! Oop! Oop! here we go clattering fresh! So-long, till
later!" and away he went, the dust a-flyin'.
We landed in Cactus, ready and anxious to be respectable. We first
took in the barber shop, had a bath and a trimmin' up.
"Fix these whiskers of mine," says Ag to the barber, "as though they
was inclined to be religious, and a few strokes from a nice, plump,
clean little widder's hand would make 'em fall. You can say what you
please about widders," says Aggy, "but a woman who's had one man and
wants another has holt of the proper sand. It's a compliment when a
widder shines up to a man. She's no amateur."
Then we bought clothes and played seven-up in the hotel till they was
fixed to fit us. We wanted to stroll through Cactus right. After this
was done we mashed our rocks, panned the result, and got $375 from the
bank--all told, we had pretty nigh six hundred between the three of us.
The sight of us, trimmed, wouldn't cramp you none. That cow-punch he
went an inch to the good over six foot. I came along about an eighth
below him, and Aggy loomed far in the night. We all had features on
our faces, and--well, Cactus sure was a pretty little town, with its
parks and irrigated gardens, and when we strolled, we noticed the girls
kind of let their sentences drag--probably because they didn't see us.
"Say, this is great!" said the cow-puncher. "That bug up there,"
p'inting to the electric light, "kinder exudes retail moonlight when he
sings. But my! Here's where you get your fine-looking girls! I
wonder how the old man 'ud take it if I said to him, 'Paw, dear, I'm
married.' I can lick him, though, even if I let him say sourcastic how
far from that point I be. Oh, my Christian Spirit!" he whispers, "do
you catch sight of that easy-mover in the white clothes! Holy Smokes!
Let's introduce ourselves!"
Ag got up and marched forward. "Is this Miss Lorna Goodwin?" says he.
"No, sir," says the girl, kinder awed by the sight of him.
"I'm very sorry," says Ag. "We are strangers here, and we only knew a
friend of Miss Goodwin's."
"Why," says the girl, "Lorna's right back of us. Shall I take you to
her?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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