Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
She wondered, as she frittered away the morning, how she should best
counter Elsbeth's attack. She would call, of course--in state; it would
be due; she would not be judged deficient in courtesies. Alwynne should
be there (she would ensure that), and she, Clare, would be exceedingly
charming, and very delicately emphasise the contrast between Elsbeth and
herself. It would be quite easy, with Alwynne already biassed. Her eyes
sparkled with anticipation. It would be amusing. She should enjoy
routing Elsbeth.
And there was the case of Alwynne to be considered. She had been
excessively nice to Alwynne lately, had, in fact, allowed her, for a
moment, to see how necessary she was becoming to Clare.... That was a
mistake.... One must never let people feel secure of their hold upon
one.... That little speech of Alwynne's last night, mocking and
tender--she had thrilled to it at the time--did it not, ever so faintly,
shadow forth a readjustment of attitudes, sound a note of equality?
That, though it had pleased her at the moment, must not be.... Alwynne
must be checked.... It would not hurt her.... She was subdued as easily
as a child, and as easily revived.... She never bore malice. Clare, who
never forgot or forgave a pinprick, had often marvelled at her, could
even now scarcely believe in the spontaneity of her good temper. But
Alwynne, certainly, had been going too far lately; was absurdly popular
in the school; could, Clare guessed, have annexed more than one of her
own special worshippers, if she had chosen. Louise, she knew, confided
in her: she thought with a double stab of jealousy of the scene she had
witnessed but a few days since; of Louise, fresh from her commendations,
from her kiss even (that rare impulse, regretted as soon as gratified),
at rest in Alwynne's arms. She recalled Louise's startled look and
Alwynne's contrasting serenity. She had not enquired what it all
meant--that was not her way. But she had not forgotten it. Alwynne was
hers. Louise was hers. But they had nothing to seek from one another!
Alwynne, undoubtedly, as the elder, the dearer, required the check; not
little Louise. Louise's letter had genuinely touched her--she thought
she would go and see the child, spend her Christmas Day charitably, in
amusing her. And if (in after-thought) Alwynne came round in the
afternoon, and found her gone--it couldn't be helped! It wouldn't hurt
Alwynne to be disappointed.... It wouldn't hurt Alwynne to spend a day
of undiluted Elsbeth.... And Louise would be amusingly charmed to see
Clare.... It was pleasant to please a child--a clever, appreciative
child.... She would go round directly after lunch.... The maid should go
home for the afternoon.... She laughed mischievously as she imagined the
blankness of Alwynne's face, when she should be confronted by silence
and a closed door. Poor, dear Alwynne! Well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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