Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
"If _you_ don't believe in God----" she began slowly, and then stopped.
They sat a long while in silence.
Clare felt uncomfortable. She had not intended to express any opinion,
to let her own attitude to religion appear. But Louise, with her sudden
question, had forced one from her. After all, if Louise had begun to
doubt and to inquire, no silence on Clare's part would stop her....
Every girl went through the phase--with Louise it had begun early, that
was all.... Yet in her heart she knew that Louise, with her already
overworked mind, should have been kept from the mental distress of
religious doubt.... She knew that for some years she could have been so
kept; that, as the mouth can eat what the body will not absorb, so,
though her intelligence might have assimilated all the books she chose
to read, her soul need not necessarily have been disturbed by them. Her
acquired knowledge that the world is round need not have jostled her
rule of thumb conviction that it is flat. Her interest in 'ologies and
'osophies could have lived comfortably enough, with her child's belief
in four angels round her head, for another two or three
years--strengthening, maturing years.
Clare knew her power. At a soothing word from her, Louise would have
shelved her speculations, or at least have continued them impersonally.
Clare could have guaranteed God to her. But Clare had shrugged her
shoulders, and Louise had grown white--and she had felt like a
murderess. Do children really take their religion so seriously?... After
all, what real difference could it make to Louise?... She, Clare, had
been glad to be rid of her clogging and irrational beliefs.... Louise,
too, when she recovered from the shock, would enjoy the sense of freedom
and self-respect.... If Louise talked like a girl of eighteen she could
not be expected to receive the careful handling you gave a child of
twelve.... Anyhow, it was done now....
Suddenly and persuasively she began to talk to Louise. She touched
gently on the history, the growth and inevitable decay of all
religions--the contrasting immutability of the underlying code of
ethics, upon which they, one and all, were founded. She told her vivid
little stories of the religious struggles of the centuries, had her
breathless over the death of Socrates, nailed up for her anew the
ninety-five theses to the Wittenberg church door. Exerting all her
powers, all her knowledge, all her descriptive and dramatic skill, to
charm away one child's distress, Clare was, for an hour, a woman
transformed, sound and honey-sweet. Against all that happened later, she
could at least put the one hour, when, remorsefully, she had given
Louise of the best that was in her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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