Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
Cynthia was a fool--a purblind philistine. But what relief was in her
folly, what immense security! Jealousy could not die out in Louise, but
it entered on a new phase--became passive, enduring resignedly
inevitable pain. But its vigilance, its fierce pugnacity was dead; for
Cynthia--dear fool--did not care. Pearls had been cast before Americans.
Louise was ready enough to be gracious to such exquisite insensibility.
She became friendly. She had guarded her secret jealousy from the world.
She was "keen" on Miss Hartill, certainly, but so was half the school,
at least. She was merely in the fashion. Insignificant and circumspect,
giving no confidences, no one but Clare herself, and Alwynne Durand,
guessed at the intensity of her affection. But with Cynthia Griffiths
she was reckless. Ostrich-like, she trusted to the protection of her
formal disclaimer, while with each new discussion, each half-confidence,
she exposed herself and her feelings more completely.
And Cynthia, dropping her theories, began to be interested in the
strange, vehement imp, with its alternating fits of frankness and
reticence, wit and childishness, its big brain and its inexplicable yet
obvious unhappiness. She affected Louise, was accustomed to pet and
parade her, long before she had solved the problem of her character;
indeed, it was not until she had confided to the child her plans for an
early departure, that Louise relaxed her self-protective vigilance. She
had begun, in her walks with Cynthia, to realise the relief and healing
of self-expression. If Cynthia were going away to Paris, America, never
to be seen again, what harm in talking--in saying for once what she
felt? There was wry pleasure in it, and, oh, what harm?
Louise found an odd satisfaction in leading Cynthia--on her side, if you
please, alert for evidence, the amateur detective still--to sit in
judgment on Clare Hartill; would sit, horrified, thrilled, drinking in
blasphemy. She would have allowed no other human being to impeach the
smallest detail of Clare Hartill's conduct, but from Cynthia, though she
raged hotly, she did allow, and in some queer fashion, enjoy it. She
had, perhaps, a vague assurance that Cynthia, being a foreigner, could
not be taken seriously.
So the pair discussed Clare Hartill from all possible angles till Louise
occasionally forgot to keep up her elaborate pretence of indifference,
to insist on its being understood that the discussion was rhadamanthine
in its impersonality.
"Yes, I'm off soon," Cynthia had confided. They were sitting together in
her cubicle. "All this is slow--slow. Ne' mind! Wait till this child
gets going!" She stretched herself lazily, and flung back on her little
white bed, arms behind her. Louise studied her magnificent torso.
"Why did you come?" she demanded.
Cynthia laughed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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