LONDON, ---, ---, --Bill Nye opened his foreign lecture engagement here last
evening with a can-opener. It was found to be in good order. As soon as
the doors were opened there was a mad rush for seats, during which three
men were fatally injured. They insisted on remaining through the lecture,
however, and adding to its horrors. Before 8 o'clock 500 people had been
turned away. Mr. Nye announced that he would deliver a matinee this
afternoon, but he has been petitioned by tradesmen to refrain from doing
so, as it will paralyze the business interests of the city to such a
degree that they offer to “buy the house,” and allow the lecturer to
cancel his engagement.
LONDON, ---, ---. --The great lecturer and contortionist, Bill Nye, last
night closed his six weeks' engagement here with his famous lecture on
“The Rise and Fall of the American Horse Thief,” with a grand benefit and
ovation. The elite of London was present, many of whom have attended every
evening for six weeks to hear this same lecture. Those who can afford it
will follow the lecturer back to America, in order to be where they can
hear this lecture almost constantly.
Mr. Nye, at the beginning of the season, offered a prize to anyone who
should neither be absent nor tardy through the entire six weeks. After
some hot discussion last evening, the prize was awarded to the janitor of
the hall.
[Associated Press Cablegram]
LONDON, ---, ---. --Bill Nye will sail for America to-morrow in the
steamship Senegambia. On his arrival in America he will at once pay off
the national debt and found a large asylum for American dudes whose
mothers are too old to take in washing and support their sons in
affluence.
The Miner at Home.
Receiving another notice of assessment on my stock in the Aladdin mine the
other day, reminded me that I was still interested in a bottomless hole
that was supposed at one time to yield funds instead of absorbing them.
The Aladdin claim was located in the spring of '76 by a syndicate of
journalists, none of whom had ever been openly accused of wealth. If we
had been, we could have proved an alibi.
We secured a gang of miners to sink on the discovery, consisting of a
Chinaman named How Long. How Long spoke the Chinese language with great
fluency. Being perfectly familiar with that language, and a little musty
in the trans-Missouri English, he would converse with us in his own
language, sometimes by the hour, courteously overlooking the fact that we
did not reply to him in the same tongue. He would converse in this way
till he ran down, generally, and then he would refrain for a while.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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