France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"Forgive me," she went on, "I did not intend speaking of myself; I have
not come here for that. Oh, you need not be afraid, I am quite sensible
to-day, I assure you. The first moment--well, the first moment was hard!
I won't deny that I had to pull myself together," she continued, with a
tearful smile, "but it's all over now. I scarcely suffer any more, and I
am quite myself again, I assure you. Of course everything cannot be
forgotten all in a minute, and I won't say that you are nothing to me
now--for you would not believe me. But this I can assure you, and you
must believe me, Henri, there is no more love for you in my heart. I am
no longer weak; the woman within me is dead--quite dead, and the
affection I have for you now is quite pure."
The light seemed to annoy her as she spoke, as if it were some one
gazing at her. "Will you put the blind down, dear?" she said. "The
sun--my eyes have rather hurt me the last few days."
While Henri was at the window she arranged her hat and let the cloak she
was wearing drop from her shoulders. When the light was not so strong in
the room she began again:
"Yes, Henri, after struggling a long time, and enduring such anguish as
you will never know, after passing nights such as I hope you may never
have, and after crying and praying, I have conquered myself. I have won
the victory, and I can now think of my daughter's happiness without
being jealous, and of yours as the only happiness now left for me on
earth."
"You are an angel, Laure," said Henri, getting up and walking up and
down the room as though he were greatly agitated. "But you must look at
things as they are. You were quite right the other day when you said
that we must separate forever--never see each other again. The idea of
our constantly meeting! You know we could not. It would take so little
to open wounds as slightly closed as ours are. Then, too, even if you
are sure of yourself, how do you know that I am as sure of myself? How
can I tell--if we were meeting at all times--with such constant
temptation--if I were always near you," he said, speaking very tenderly,
"why, some day, unexpectedly--how can I tell--and I am an honourable
man."
"No, Henri," she answered, taking his hands in hers and drawing him to
the seat at her side, "I am not afraid of you, and I am not afraid of
myself. It is all over. How can I make you believe me? And you will not
refuse me? No, you cannot refuse me the only happiness which remains for
me--my only happiness. It is all I have left in the world now--it is to
see you, only to see you--" and throwing her arms round Henri's neck she
drew him to her closely.
"Ah, no, it is quite impossible," said Henri, when the embrace had
lasted a few seconds. "Don't say any more about it," he continued,
brusquely, getting up as he spoke.
"I will be brave," said Mme. Bourjot very seriously.
When they had played out their comedy of renunciation they both felt
more at ease.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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