Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Orphans -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
The tall old clock, which stood by the dining-room door, had struck two,
and been silent many minutes, before Richard came to me. I had spent
those dreadful hours in feverish restlessness: my room seemed
suffocating to me. I had walked about, had put away my trinkets, I had
changed my dress, and put on a white one which I had worn in the
morning, and had tried to braid my hair.
The quieting of the house, it seemed, would never come. It was twelve
o'clock before any one came up-stairs. I heard one door after another
shut, and then sat waiting and wondering why Richard did not come, till
the moments seemed to grow to centuries. At last I heard him at the
door, and I went toward it trembling, and followed him into the hall. He
carried a light, for up-stairs it was all dark, and when we reached the
stairway, he took my hand to lead me. I was trembling very much; the
hall below was dimly lit by a large lamp which had been turned low. Our
steps on the bare staircase made so much noise, though we tried to move
so silently. It was weird and awful. I clung to Richard's hand in
silence. He led me across the hall, and stopped before the library-door.
He let go my hand, and taking a key from his pocket, put it in the lock,
turned it slowly, then opened the door a little way, and motioned me
to enter.
Like one in a trance, I obeyed him, and went in alone. He shut the door
noiselessly, and left me with the dead.
That was the great, the immense hour of my life. No vicissitude, no
calamity of this mortal state, no experience that may be to come, can
ever have the force, the magnitude of this. All feelings, but a child's
feelings, were comparatively new to me, and here, at one moment, I had
put into my hand the plummet that sounded hell; anguish, remorse,
fear--a woman's heart in hopeless pain. For I will not believe that any
child, that any woman, had ever loved more absolutely, more
passionately, than I had loved the man who lay there dead before me. But
I cannot talk about what I felt in those moments; all that concerns what
I write is the external.
The--coffin was in the middle of the room, where the table ordinarily
stood--where my chair had been that night, when he told me his story.
Surely if I sinned, in thought, in word, _that_ night, I paid its full
atonement, _this_. Candles stood on a small table at the head of where
he lay, and many flowers were about the room. The smell of
verbena-leaves filled the air: a branch of them was in a vase that some
one had put beside his coffin. The fresh, cool night-air came in from
the large window, open at the top.
His face was, as Richard said, much as in life, only quieter. I do not
know what length of time Richard left me there, but at last, I was
recalled to the present, by his hand upon my shoulder, and his voice in
a whisper, "Come with me now, Pauline."
I rose to my feet, hardly understanding what he said, but resisted when
I did understand him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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