Dooble Sanny's character did not improve. He took more and more whisky,
his bouts of drinking alternating as before with fits of hopeless
repentance. His work was more neglected than ever, and his wife having
no money to spend even upon necessaries, applied in desperation to her
husband's bottle for comfort. This comfort, to do him justice, he never
grudged her; and sometimes before midday they would both be drunk--a
condition expedited by the lack of food. When they began to recover,
they would quarrel fiercely; and at last they became a nuisance to the
whole street. Little did the whisky-hating old lady know to what god she
had really offered up that violin--if the consequences of the holocaust
can be admitted as indicating the power which had accepted it.
But now began to appear in Robert the first signs of a practical outcome
of such truth as his grandmother had taught him, operating upon the
necessities of a simple and earnest nature. Reality, however lapt in
vanity, or even in falsehood, cannot lose its power. It is--the other is
not. She had taught him to look up--that there was a God. He would put
it to the test. Not that he doubted it yet: he only doubted whether
there was a hearing God. But was not that worse? It was, I think. For it
is of far more consequence what kind of a God, than whether a God or no.
Let not my reader suppose I think it possible there could be other than
a perfect God--perfect--even to the vision of his creatures, the faith
that supplies the lack of vision being yet faithful to that vision. I
speak from Robert's point of outlook. But, indeed, whether better or
worse is no great matter, so long as he would see it or what there was.
He had no comfort, and, without reasoning about it, he felt that life
ought to have comfort--from which point he began to conclude that the
only thing left was to try whether the God in whom his grandmother
believed might not help him. If the God would but hear him, it was all
he had yet learned to require of his Godhood. And that must ever be the
first thing to require. More demands would come, and greater answers he
would find. But now--if God would but hear him! If he spoke to him but
one kind word, it would be the very soul of comfort; he could no more
be lonely. A fountain of glad imaginations gushed up in his heart at the
thought. What if, from the cold winter of his life, he had but to open
the door of his garret-room, and, kneeling by the bare bedstead, enter
into the summer of God's presence! What if God spoke to him face to
face! He had so spoken to Moses. He sought him from no fear of the
future, but from present desolation; and if God came near to him, it
would not be with storm and tempest, but with the voice of a friend.
And surely, if there was a God at all, that is, not a power greater than
man, but a power by whose power man was, he must hear the voice of the
creature whom he had made, a voice that came crying out of the very need
which he had created.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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