sort, and as far as I see, am likely of all things to avoid it. What I
want is first to be their friend, and then to be at length recognized
as such. It is only in rare cases that I seek the acquaintance of any of
them: I let it come naturally. I bide my time. Almost never do I offer
assistance. I wait till they ask it, and then often refuse the sort they
want. The worst thing you can do for them is to attempt to save them
from the natural consequences of wrong: you may sometimes help them out
of them. But it is right to do many things for them when you know them,
which it would not be right to do for them until you know them. I am
amongst them; they know me; their children know me; and something is
always occurring that makes this or that one come to me. Once I have a
footing, I seldom lose it. So you see, in this my labour I am content to
do the thing that lies next me. I wait events. You have had no training,
no blundering to fit you for such work. There are many other modes of
being useful; but none in which I could undertake to direct you. I am
not in the habit of talking so much about my ways--but that is of no
consequence. I think I am right in doing so in this instance.'
'I cannot misunderstand you,' faltered Lady Georgina.
Falconer was silent. Without looking up from the floor on which her eyes
had rested all the time he spoke, Lady Georgina said at last,
'Then what is my next duty? What is the thing that lies nearest to me?'
'That, I repeat, belongs to your every-day history. No one can answer
that question but yourself. Your next duty is just to determine what
your next duty is.--Is there nothing you neglect? Is there nothing you
know you ought not to do?--You would know your duty, if you thought in
earnest about it, and were not ambitious of great things.'
'Ah then,' responded Lady Georgina, with an abandoning sigh, 'I suppose
it is something very commonplace, which will make life more dreary than
ever. That cannot help me.'
'It will, if it be as dreary as reading the newspapers to an old deaf
aunt. It will soon lead you to something more. Your duty will begin to
comfort you at once, but will at length open the unknown fountain of
life in your heart.'
Lady Georgina lifted up her head in despair, looked at Falconer through
eyes full of tears, and said vehemently,
'Mr. Falconer, you can have no conception how wretched a life like mine
is. And the futility of everything is embittered by the consciousness
that it is from no superiority to such things that I do not care for
them.'
'It is from superiority to such things that you do not care for them.
You were not made for such things. They cannot fill your heart. It has
whole regions with which they have no relation.'
'The very thought of music makes me feel ill. I used to be passionately
fond of it.'
'I presume you got so far in it that you asked, “Is there nothing more?”
Concluding there was nothing more, and yet needing more, you turned from
it with disappointment?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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