He found her seated in her usual place. Her New Testament, a large-print
octavo, lay on the table beside her unopened; for where within those
boards could she find comfort for a grief like hers? That it was the
will of God might well comfort any suffering of her own, but would it
comfort Andrew? and if there was no comfort for Andrew, how was Andrew's
mother to be comforted?
Yet God had given his first-born to save his brethren: how could he be
pleased that she should dry her tears and be comforted? True, some awful
unknown force of a necessity with which God could not cope came in to
explain it; but this did not make God more kind, for he knew it all
every time he made a man; nor man less sorrowful, for God would have his
very mother forget him, or, worse still, remember him and be happy.
'Read a chapter till me, laddie,' she said.
Robert opened and read till he came to the words: 'I pray not for the
world.'
'He was o' the world,' said the old woman; 'and gin Christ wadna pray
for him, what for suld I?'
Already, so soon after her son's death, would her theology begin to
harden her heart. The strife which results from believing that the
higher love demands the suppression of the lower, is the most fearful of
all discords, the absolute love slaying love--the house divided against
itself; one moment all given up for the will of Him, the next the human
tenderness rushing back in a flood. Mrs. Falconer burst into a very
agony of weeping. From that day, for many years, the name of her
lost Andrew never passed her lips in the hearing of her grandson, and
certainly in that of no one else.
But in a few weeks she was more cheerful. It is one of the mysteries of
humanity that mothers in her circumstances, and holding her creed, do
regain not merely the faculty of going on with the business of life,
but, in most cases, even cheerfulness. The infinite Truth, the Love of
the universe, supports them beyond their consciousness, coming to them
like sleep from the roots of their being, and having nothing to do with
their opinions or beliefs. And hence spring those comforting subterfuges
of hope to which they all fly. Not being able to trust the Father
entirely, they yet say: 'Who can tell what took place at the last
moment? Who can tell whether God did not please to grant them saving
faith at the eleventh hour?'--that so they might pass from the very
gates of hell, the only place for which their life had fitted them, into
the bosom of love and purity! This God could do for all: this for the
son beloved of his mother perhaps he might do!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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