INGENIOUS EXCUSE OF A SCHOOLBOY.--A country schoolmaster once having the misfortune to have his schoolhouse burnt down, was obliged to remove to a new one, where he reprimanded one of his boys, who mis-spelled a number of words, by telling him that he did not spell as well as when he was in the old schoolhouse. “Well, thome how or other,” said the urchin with a scowl, “I can’t ethackly get the _hang_ of thith ere thkoolhouth.” * * * * * KEEN SATIRE.--“You saved my life on one occasion,” said a beggar to a captain under whom he had served. “Saved your life!” replied the officer; “do you think that I am a doctor?” “No,” answered the man, “but I served under you in the battle of ----, and when you ran away, I followed, and thus my life was preserved.” TALKING TO ONE’S SELF.--Earl Dudley possessed in a remarkable degree the unpleasant habit of talking to himself. On one occasion he was driving his cabriolet across Grosvenor Square, in London, in his way to Park Lane, when he overtook an acquaintance of the name of Luttrell. It was raining quite fast, and his lordship good-naturedly invited the pedestrian to ride. They drove on till they had nearly arrived at Lord Dudley’s mansion, where, Mr. Luttrell giving no hint of wishing to alight, the Earl unconsciously exclaimed aloud, what many would have thought under similar circumstances, “Plague on this fellow; I suppose I must ask him to dine with me!” How often, instead of flattering speeches and soothing compliments, should we hear unpleasant and reproachful remarks, if people were in the habit of thinking aloud, like Lord Dudley. * * * * * BEING BEHINDHAND.--An idle fellow complained bitterly of his hard lot, and said, that he was born on the last day of the year, the last day of the month, and the last day of the week, and he had always been behindhand. He believed it would have been a hundred dollars in his pocket if he had not been born at all! * * * * * APHORISMS FROM SHAKSPEARE. A heart unspotted is not easily daunted. One drunkard doth love another of the name. Do not cast away an honest man for a villain’s accusation. All offences come from the heart. Every cloud engendereth not a storm. Ignorance is the curse of God--knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven. He is but the counterfeit of a man who hath not the life of a man. There’s small choice in rotten apples. SPRING IS COMING! A SONG. THE WORDS AND MUSIC COMPOSED FOR MERRY’S MUSEUM. [Illustration: Music] 1 Tell me, snow wreath, tell me why Thou dost steal away so sly, Why up-on the hill to-day, But to-mor-row gone a-way? “Spring is coming, spring is coming!” 2