“Come, pretty Kit, come, learn to read; Here with me sit; you must indeed. Not know your letters! fie, fie! for shame! The book I’ll hold; come! spell your name! Now try to say K I T, Kit; For you may play where you think fit, Upon the bed, or on the tree, When you have said your A B C.” ’T was snug and warm in Mary’s lap, So pussy thought she’d take a nap. She went to sleep,--the lazy elf! And Mary read the book herself. She learned to read, she learned to spell, And said her lesson very well. And now, my little reader, say, If you from books will turn away, And be like Kit, an idle thing,-- Now catch a mouse, now twirl a string; Or will you learn to read and spell, And say your lessons very well? Varieties. MUSICAL DIALOGUE.--“_Major_,” said a _minor_ to an elderly gentleman, “I must say your speech to-day was very _flat_.” “That,” said the major, “is very _sharp for a minor_.” * * * * * SINGULAR, NOT PLURAL.--The mayor of a small town in England, thinking that the word _clause_ was in the plural number, always talked of the last _claw_ of parliament. * * * * * A DUTCHMAN.--A Dutchman was seen one day bidding an extraordinary price for an alarm clock, and gave as a reason, “Dat ash he loffd to rise early, he had nothing to do but bull the string, and he could wake himself.” * * * * * LONG BILLS.--Gentlemen of the medical profession in London are said to be called _snipes_, from the unconscionable length of their bills. * * * * * POETRY AND PROSE.--“I say, Pomp, wat be de diffrence ’ween _poetry_ and de wat you call _plank verse_?” “Why, I gib you something, Sip, I think will be lustratious of de subject: ‘Go down to mill-dam And fall down slam’-- dat be _poetry_; but ‘Go down to mill-dam, And fall down whapp’-- dat be _blank verse_.” * * * * * GOOD.--“Bill, lend us your knife.” “Can’t; haven’t got any; besides, want to use it myself.” * * * * * WIT.--Three gentlemen meeting to sup at a hotel, one of them wished for partridges. A brace was accordingly brought, and set upon the table, which he accordingly began to carve. He deliberately took one of them upon his own plate, leaving the other one for his two friends. “Hold!” cried one of them; “that is not fair!” “Perfectly fair, I think,” said the gentleman; “there is one for _you_ two, and here is one for _me_ too.” To my Correspondents.