that he had solid reason to believe it never could be Mary Garland’s.
She was not a passive creature; she was not soft and meek and grateful
for chance bounties. With all her reserve of manner she was proud and
eager; she asked much and she wanted what she asked; she believed in
fine things and she never could long persuade herself that fine things
missed were as beautiful as fine things achieved. Once Rowland passed an
angry day. He had dreamed--it was the most insubstantial of dreams--that
she had given him the right to believe that she looked to him to
transmute her discontent. And yet here she was throwing herself back
into Roderick’s arms at his lightest overture, and playing with his own
half fearful, half shameful hopes! Rowland declared to himself that
his position was essentially detestable, and that all the philosophy
he could bring to bear upon it would make it neither honorable nor
comfortable. He would go away and make an end of it. He did not go away;
he simply took a long walk, stayed away from the inn all day, and on his
return found Miss Garland sitting out in the moonlight with Roderick.
Rowland, communing with himself during the restless ramble in question,
had determined that he would at least cease to observe, to heed, or
to care for what Miss Garland and Roderick might do or might not do
together. Nevertheless, some three days afterward, the opportunity
presenting itself, he deliberately broached the subject with Roderick.
He knew this was inconsistent and faint-hearted; it was indulgence
to the fingers that itched to handle forbidden fruit. But he said to
himself that it was really more logical to be inconsistent than the
reverse; for they had formerly discussed these mysteries very candidly.
Was it not perfectly reasonable that he should wish to know the sequel
of the situation which Roderick had then delineated? Roderick had made
him promises, and it was to be expected that he should ascertain how
the promises had been kept. Rowland could not say to himself that if
the promises had been extorted for Mary Garland’s sake, his present
attention to them was equally disinterested; and so he had to admit
that he was indeed faint-hearted. He may perhaps be deemed too narrow
a casuist, but we have repeated more than once that he was solidly
burdened with a conscience.
“I imagine,” he said to Roderick, “that you are not sorry, at present,
to have allowed yourself to be dissuaded from making a final rupture
with Miss Garland.”
Roderick eyed him with the vague and absent look which had lately become
habitual to his face, and repeated “Dissuaded?”
“Don’t you remember that, in Rome, you wished to break your engagement,
and that I urged you to respect it, though it seemed to hang by so
slender a thread? I wished you to see what would come of it? If I am not
mistaken, you are reconciled to it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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