How well I remembered the old place, and how memory after memory came
back to me as I waited there. I often thought of the time my father
had led me there on my fifteenth birthday, and told me of the curse of
my race, and many other things which seemed to have cast a shadow over
my life. Then I thought of how terribly his words had been fulfilled.
The story of the curse was no meaningless jargon. It contained awful
truths, which had been fulfilled in me. And yet I was not sure.
Perhaps what had happened was the simple outcome of broken laws;
perhaps Trewinion's curse was an old wives' fable. Still, the truth
that my life was cursed was ever before me. I felt that even then I
was, humanly speaking, branded with the hand of Cain. God had forgiven
me, but man never would; the sin of my life could only be wiped out by
yielding myself up to the hands of justice.
And this I had come home to do. I was waiting there to tell my mother
that I had murdered her dearest son, that I had taken all joy and
brightness from her life, and then, having brought the greatest sorrow
a son can bring upon a mother, I would go to meet my righteous judgment.
Presently I heard the sound of footsteps, and soon my mother entered
the room.
I had no difficulty in recognising her. Ten years had worked but
little change in her appearance. Certainly her hair was tinged with
grey, and the lines on her face were deeper, but otherwise there was no
difference. There was still the cold expression--which was ever the
same, except when her eyes rested on Wilfred--still the same stately
carriage.
She glanced at me for a second, and then asked my business.
"Mother," I said, standing up.
She looked at me keenly for a few seconds, then she cried hoarsely, "My
God, what brought you here?"
"Mother, forgive me," I said.
I thought she recoiled from me as if in abhorrence. I know that she
stepped back from me.
"Why have you come?" she said, and I saw fierce hate gleaming from her
eyes. "Have you not caused misery enough? Are you not content with
the lives you have poisoned? You went away; why did you ever come
back?"
"I could not rest, mother," I said, humbly, for I felt I deserved her
reproach. "I wanted to tell you all; I wanted your forgiveness."
"Tell me!" she cried, "as though I did not know. Forgive you, how can
I forgive you when but for you my boy might have been----"
"Let me tell you everything, mother," I cried. "God knows I have
suffered much for what I have done, but He has forgiven me, and I
wanted your forgiveness before I die."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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