Families -- Fiction; Theater -- Great Britain -- Fiction
She ran away. She
went utterly to the bad. She died of drink in a Paris asylum. Caterina
Fuller! You may read of her in raffish memoirs of the Second Empire as
one of the famous cocottes of the period. If my mother had not married
me to Caleb, I daresay I should have gone to the bad myself. Or what
the world calls bad. But how much worse my own respectable degradation!
It was only after Caterina’s death that I ceased to lament my prison.
It was as if the sentient, active part of me died with her. Thence
onward I lived within myself. I amused myself by collecting bit by
bit over many years the gewgaws by which you see me surrounded. They
represent years of sharp practice in housekeeping. The only thing for
which I may thank God sincerely is that I wasn’t married to young
Caleb. I should never have succeeded in cheating him out of a penny
on the household bills. I should never have managed to buy a solitary
novel, had he been my accountant. I should have remained for ever what
I was when I married, raw, noisy, impudent, scatterbrained, until
I died as a bird dies, beating its wings against the cage. Educate
Letizia, educate her. I wish I had a little money. I have no means of
getting any now. I had some, but I spent it on myself, every penny of
it. Don’t despair because you’ve not had an engagement since Christmas.
It’s only early March. _Mon dieu_, I haven’t even a ring that you could
pawn. But I don’t worry about you. I’m convinced you will be all right.
Easy to say, yes. But I say it with belief, and that isn’t so easy. I
shall live on for a few weeks yet, and I know that I shall have good
news from you before I die.”
All the while the old lady had been talking, her face had been losing
its expression of cynicism, and by the time she had finished it was
glowing with the enthusiasm of a girl. It was as if she had beheld
reincarnate in little Letizia her own youth and as if now with the
wisdom of eighty-three years she were redirecting her own future from
the beginning. Presently, after a short silence, she told Nancy to
search in the bottom drawer of a painted cabinet for a parcel wrapped
up in brown paper, and bring it to her. With this she fumbled for a
while with her left hand and at last held up a tunic made apparently of
thick sackcloth and some fragments of stuff that looked like a handful
of cobwebs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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