A few days later there is a fresh offensive. Maxime is reported missing.
Soon his father learns that he is dead. Now Clerambault gropes for the
meaning of those last words behind the silence, and is tormented by the
thought of what was left unspoken. He locks himself into his room, and
for the first time he is alone with his conscience. He begins to
question himself in search of the truth, and throughout the long night
he communes with his soul as he traverses the road to Damascus. Piece by
piece he tears away the wrapping of lies with which he has enveloped
himself, until he stands naked before his own criticism. Prejudices have
eaten deep into his skin, so that the blood flows as he plucks them from
him. They must all be surrendered; the prejudice of the fatherland, the
prejudice of the herd, must go; in the end he recognizes that one thing
only is true, one thing only sacred, life. A fever of enquiry consumes
him; the old Adam perishes in the flame; when the day dawns he is a new
man.
He knows the truth now, and wishes to strengthen his own faith. He goes
to some of his fellows and talks to them. Most of them do not understand
him. Others refuse to understand him. Some, however, among whom Perrotin
the academician is notable, are yet more alarming. They know the truth.
To their penetrating vision the nature of the popular idols has long
been plain. But they are cautious folk. They compress their lips and
smile at one another like the augurs of ancient Rome. Like Buddha, they
take refuge in Nirvana, looking down calmly upon the madness of the
world, tranquilly seated upon their pedestals of stone. Clerambault
calls to mind that other Indian saint, who took a solemn vow that he
would not withdraw from the world until he had delivered mankind from
suffering. The truth still glows too fiercely within him; he feels as if
it would stifle him as it strives to gush forth in volcanic eruption.
Once again he plunges into the solitude of a wakeful night. Men's words
have sounded empty. He listens to his conscience, and it speaks with the
voice of his son. Truth knocks at the door of his soul, and he opens to
truth. In this lonely night Clerambault begins to speak to his fellows;
no longer to individuals, but to all mankind. For the first time the man
of letters becomes aware of the poet's true mission, his responsibility
for all persons and for everything. He knows that he is beginning a new
war, he who alone must wage war for all. But the consciousness of truth
is with him, his heroism has begun.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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