But as this last idea slid into her mind from behind something else,
there came with it as frighteningly as if she had seen the walls of her
stone corridor closing in on her, a doubt that cast a stale sallow
reflection on all her thoughts;--suppose she were really taken up by the
Marquise and all the old aristocratic set, _would things be any
different then_? Mightn't that, too, be just something else she had gone
out after and brought home and hung on the wall, only to find that it
changed nothing? She turned away from this idea, cold and frightened at
all it implied ... that life was not deep at all, anywhere, but a
shallow mud-hole, and that she had sunk far enough down to touch the
bottom.
* * * * *
She heard now the uneven clattering jangle of the bell, heard Isabelle
come out of the bed-room and go down the tile-paved corridor. Her
sandals dragged at the heel as they always did in the morning before she
put on her street shoes. That slatternly flap and drag of Isabelle's
sandals made her mistress sick. She had spoken about them a thousand
times. She had come to have a nervous hatred of the sound, had actually
flown into rages over it, stamping and shrieking at Isabelle as she
despised French housekeepers for doing. But how much impression had she
made? For one morning, perhaps two, Isabelle laced up her early morning
foot-gear, and after that she always forgot, slid back, flop, scuff,
flop. That was the sort of sandals all the chambermaids in Bayonne wore
for the first cleaning of the morning; that was the kind they always had
worn; the American mistress might as well make up her mind to the fact
that that was the kind they always would wear. There was about this
trivial matter of the sandals, the same nightmare quality of passive,
inert resistance to the idea of any change, which sagged smotheringly
down on Flora Allen everywhere she turned in her French life. They
called it stability. She and her friends in Belton had called it a
"background of tradition."
And yet she knew herself now incapable of going back to live in Belton
where she would not be able always to depend on an Isabelle, where at
times she would have to sweep her own rooms, and scour her own greasy
pots herself. It made her sick to think of living that way again--nobody
to bring her breakfast in the morning! To get up in a cold house with
all the responsibility for everything on her shoulders. She felt weak
at the thought of it.
Isabelle scuffed in, the mail in one rough, strong, red hand, and
flapped back to her cleaning. This time her mistress made no comment on
her laceless sandals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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