She saw the anguish of his yearning sympathy--and yet what was it he
said? Something she had not dreamed any one could say, "Oh, the poor
little girl you were! Wasn't there _any one_ to help you to get it
straight, to understand it?"
"Understand it!" she said harshly. "I understood it only too well."
He looked away from her, across the plain, and kept a thoughtful
silence. Then he said, "I don't believe you understood it in the least.
Is it likely that any fourteen-year-old little girl could understand
anything like that, anything that must have begun, had its real causes
back before you were born--and why should you take the point of view of
an ignorant old woman who certainly had the ignorant old woman's
appetite for scandal? You probably didn't even get straight what really
happened then--it sounds fearfully mixed up, you know, as though there
must be more than that to it. Let alone its _real_ meaning, its human
meaning, that you couldn't possibly have understood at fourteen, if you
had known all the facts--and there certainly were lots more facts than
what you saw and what that old woman put into your head.
"And, anyhow--oh, Marise, no matter _what_ it was, it has nothing to do
with your life _now_! Why do you let it mean so much to you? Just think
how long ago it happened! It hasn't a thing to do with _you_. How can
it?"
She flushed a deep, shamed red, and asked in a whisper, "You don't think
that I ... that I would be like that?"
He cried out furiously, "No, no, _no_! What an idea! It's nothing to
you--nothing, I tell you. It's been nothing to you for years. You ought
to have stopped thinking of it ever so long ago. Everybody starts all
over again. You're yourself. You don't have to keep carrying that around
with you. It doesn't belong to you. Let it fall. Leave it here!" he
commanded abruptly, springing to his feet and holding out his hand to
help her rise. "Leave it here! And walk off into your own life."
She stood up beside him now, so giddy with a strange new lightness that
she laid her hand on his arm to steady herself.
At her touch he flushed hot with the desire to put his arms about her
and hold her passionately close. The desire was so intense that he had
for an instant the hallucination that he had done it, that she leaned
her head against his breast. But he had been so harrowed by sympathy for
her poor bruised heart, had been so touched by the revelation of the
delicacy and fineness of fiber which had but served to deepen the
dreadful, unhealed hurt with which she had lived helplessly, he was so
moved by her white, drawn face, lifted to his own with a childlike faith
in what he said, he was so wrung with his thankfulness to see on that
pale face a sensitive reflection of his own certainty ... oh, now was no
time to burst out on her with the flame of his passion, now when she
was so weak, so defenseless. He put aside his passion with a strong
hand, resolutely.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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