He had spoken at the right moment, for there are moments in the lives of
the most reserved and self-reliant when the heart must speak to ease the
mind. Paul Colbert was a Protestant, and so firm and strong in his faith
that he was ready at all times to defend it, to fight for it; yet this
moment, which has nothing to do with any creed, had come to him, and he
spoke as one man speaks to another whom he trusts and knows to be his
friend. He told what he was suffering, and the cause of his
wretchedness. He spoke of his first meeting with Ruth, and of the love
for her that had leapt up in his heart at the first glimpse of her face,
before he had heard her voice, before he knew her name. He said how
happy he was when chance put her in his arms through that wild night's
ride. He described his visit to her on the next day, and said how far he
was from suspecting that William Pressley was more than a member of the
same family. He went on to speak of the other visits which he had paid
to Ruth, telling how fast his love had grown with every meeting. He
ended with the revelation at the dance in the woods.
"But it wouldn't have made any difference had I known sooner. It
couldn't have made any difference in my loving her," he said. "I must
have loved her just the same no matter when or how we might have met.
Nothing ever could have altered that. I am afraid that I couldn't have
helped loving her had she been another man's wife. I am keeping nothing
back, you see, Father. I am telling you the whole truth. But perhaps it
wouldn't have been quite so hard to bear, had I known at the very first.
It can hardly be so hard to give up happiness when we have never dared
long for it. And I knew no reason why I might not try to make her love
me. As it is, from this time on, every thought of her must be like
constantly trying to kill some suffering thing that can never die!"
He dropped his head on his arm which lay on the table. The priest gently
laid his hand on the thick, brown hair.
"My son," he murmured.
"If the man that she is to marry were only different," Paul groaned. "If
he were only more worthy, if I could only think that she would be
happy."
He did not know that he was merely saying what every unfortunate lover
has thought since love and the world began; and it was a sad smile that
touched the sympathy of Father Orin's face.
"William Pressley is not a bad young fellow," the priest said. "He means
well. He lives uprightly according to his dull, narrow ideas of right.
And none of us can do any better than to live up to our own ideals.
It's a good deal more than most of us do. I am afraid he is selfish,"
with the hesitation which he always felt in pronouncing judgment upon
any one; "but then most of us men are, and maybe he will not be selfish
toward her, for he must be fond of her. Everybody loves the child."
"But about her--is she fond of him? How can she be?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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