Round the Block: An American NovelBouton, John Bell
General
Round the Block: An American Novel
Bouton, John Bell
City and town life -- Fiction; Male friendship -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Tiffles, in his character of Professor Wesley, told his story glibly and
with perfect coolness, interspersing the heavier details with amusing
anecdotes, which made the ministers smile, and brought out a loud titter
of laughter from the ministers' wives, and tremendous applause,
inclusive of stamping and the banging of hymn books, from the
ministers' children.
One of the children, with the love of mischief peculiar to that division
of the human family, had provided himself with peas, and, taking
advantage of the partial darkness in which the panorama was exhibited,
shot those missiles with practised aim at Professor Wesley, and now and
then hit him in the face. The lecturer kept in good humor; and when,
after a smart volley of peas, Rev. Dr. A---- arose, and suggested that
these disturbances were disgraceful, and, although he did not wish to
meddle with the household government of his brethren, he thought that
the children who were guilty of such outrages ought to be taken home,
soundly whipped, and put to bed--when Rev. Dr. A----, moved by just
indignation, did this, the lecturer smiled, and blandly said: Oh, no; he
wasn't annoyed in the least (at the same time receiving a pea on his
left cheek). He would trust to the generosity of his young friends not
to fire their peas too hard; and he hoped that the reverend gentleman
would withdraw his suggestion.
Cries of "All right, brother!" "We'll keep the boys quiet!" "Go on! go
on!" went up from all parts of the room. Rev. Dr. A----, yielding to the
pressure, sat down, and received, at that moment, one pea on the right
eye of his gold spectacles, and another square on the end of his nose.
The two peas were fired by his second son John, who had been delivering
this invisible artillery all the evening from the other end of the
identical pew in which the Rev. Dr. was seated. He groaned in the
spirit, and muttered something to Mrs. Rev. Dr. A---- about the
degeneracy of other people's children, which made that lady chuckle low,
under cover of the night; for she knew that her second son John was the
pea-shooter, and had made vain efforts to stop him, by pinching his leg,
though the good matron could not help laughing at every fine shot
achieved by her promising boy.
Professor Wesley "went on," as requested, and so did the pea-shooting,
until John's stock of ammunition gave out.
The lecturer had ransacked the Society, Astor, and Mercantile libraries,
and stuffed himself with facts touching the interior of Africa, so far
as that mystery had been explored. Fortified with these facts, and a
lively imagination, he found no difficulty in satisfying the curiosity
of his auditors on every point; and answered questions of all sorts,
which were fired at him even thicker than the peas, without the least
hesitation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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