“Yes, that’s true,” said the Lion, and it ate the Mouse. _Conversation_ Did you hand the gardener’s niece a lemon? Where is the son of the stockbroker? What is the son of the stockbroker doing on the street? Will the son of the stockbroker be stung? Is the son of the stockbroker a cooker? Did the son of the baker call the son of the cook a four-flusher? Did the cousin of the carpenter make the brother-in-law of the blacksmith look like 30 cents? Is it up to you to put it over him? Did the son of the banker, when his father gave him his blessing for a birthday present, say it was a two-spot on the show-down? No, but I threw a bouquet at the brother of the carpenter. He is on the street. The son of the stockbroker is looking for hens’ teeth. Yes, good and plenty. No, the son of the stockbroker is a quitter. No, he called him a son of a gun. No, he got his. Sure, Mike. Yes, and he said the gent was a piece of cheese. Can you see anything to the daughter of the money-lender? Did the second cousin of the tough get outside four bottles? Is the nephew of the crook a booze-fighter? Will the uncle of the stockbroker lend me fifty dollars? Yes, $5,100,000. No, the second cousin of the tough has been on the water-wagon for three moons. No, the nephew of the crook is a Bull-Mooser. No, the uncle of the stockbroker is a tight-wad. What differentiates the arrival at an American port or city from the arrival at the port or city of any other country is that in America you will find a whole lot of people who are there to meet your wants and your need. When you arrive in any foreign country, you are necessarily ignorant of nearly all those things which it is essential you should know. Now, in most countries you find nobody to help deal with that ignorance and to help you out of a situation created by it. In America, on the other hand, you will find a whole lot of people who are there to find out what you want to do, and to help you to do it in the most convenient and quickest way. They make a business of it. It pays them and it helps you. It pays them to help you better than some one else helps you. I have met in England quite a lot of people who are frightened at the thought of going to America, because they feel so ignorant of the conditions obtaining there. They need feel no such alarm. They will find a crowd of people competing among themselves as to who can best put them in the way of what they want to do. For instance, when I arrived at San Francisco, agents came on board the ship from all of the different railway lines, each of which was ready to fix up your journey for you and do anything you wanted. Each railway line wants you to travel by their line, so each line makes it his business that you should have every possible inducement to do so.