English essays -- 19th century; Great Britain -- Social life and customs; London (England) -- Description and travel
And yet by little strange accidents and coincidents how we are being
found out every day. You remember that old story of the Abbe Kakatoes,
who told the company at supper one night how the first confession he
ever received was--from a murderer let us say. Presently enters to
supper the Marquis de Croquemitaine. “Palsambleu, abbe!” says the
brilliant marquis, taking a pinch of snuff, “are you here? Gentlemen and
ladies! I was the abbe's first penitent, and I made him a confession,
which I promise you astonished him.”
To be sure how queerly things are found out! Here is an instance. Only
the other day I was writing in these Roundabout Papers about a certain
man, whom I facetiously called Baggs, and who had abused me to my
friends, who of course told me. Shortly after that paper was published
another friend--Sacks let us call him--scowls fiercely at me as I
am sitting in perfect good-humor at the club, and passes on without
speaking. A cut. A quarrel. Sacks thinks it is about him that I was
writing: whereas, upon my honor and conscience, I never had him once in
my mind, and was pointing my moral from quite another man. But don't
you see, by this wrath of the guilty-conscienced Sacks, that he had been
abusing me too? He has owned himself guilty, never having been accused.
He has winced when nobody thought of hitting him. I did but put the cap
out, and madly butting and chafing, behold my friend rushes out to put
his head into it! Never mind, Sacks, you are found out; but I bear you
no malice, my man.
And yet to be found out, I know from my own experience, must be painful
and odious, and cruelly mortifying to the inward vanity. Suppose I am a
poltroon, let us say. With fierce moustache, loud talk, plentiful oaths,
and an immense stick, I keep up nevertheless a character for courage. I
swear fearfully at cabmen and women; brandish my bludgeon, and perhaps
knock down a little man or two with it: brag of the images which I break
at the shooting-gallery, and pass amongst my friends for a whiskery
fire-eater, afraid of neither man nor dragon. Ah me! Suppose some brisk
little chap steps up and gives me a caning in St. James's Street, with
all the heads of my friends looking out of all the club windows.
My reputation is gone. I frighten no man more. My nose is pulled by
whipper-snappers, who jump up on a chair to reach it. I am found out.
And in the days of my triumphs, when people were yet afraid of me, and
were taken in by my swagger, I always knew that I was a lily-liver, and
expected that I should be found out some day.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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