“That case wasn't a easy one to understand, as you may see for
yourselves, and it didn't get finished that day. They argyed over it a
full week. When there wasn't no more witnesses to carve up, one lawyer
made a speech, an' he set that crooked case so straight, that you
could see through it from the over-shot wheel clean back to Brown's
grandfather. Then another feller made a speech, and he set the whole
thing up another way. It was jus' as clear, to look through, but it was
another case altogether, no more like the other one than a apple-pie is
like a mug o' cider. An' then they both took it up, an' they swung it
around between them, till it was all twisted an' knotted an' wound up,
an' tangled, worse than a skein o' yarn in a nest o' kittens, an' then
they give it to the jury.
“Well, when them jurymen went out, there wasn't none of 'em, as Jone
tole me afterward, as knew whether is was Brown or Adams as was dead,
or whether the mill was to grind soup, or to be run by soup-power. Of
course they couldn't agree; three of 'em wanted to give a verdict for
the boy that died, two of 'em was for Brown's grandfather, an' the rest
was scattered, some goin' in for damages to the witnesses, who ought to
get somethin' for havin' their char-ac-ters ruined. Jone he jus' held
back, ready to jine the other eleven as soon as they'd agree. But they
couldn't do it, an' they was locked up three days and four nights. You'd
better believe I got pretty wild about it, but I come to court every day
an' waited an' waited, bringin' somethin' to eat in a baskit.
“One day, at dinner-time, I seed the judge astandin' at the court-room
door, a-wipin' his forrid with a handkerchief, an' I went up to him an'
said, 'Do you think, sir, they'll get through this thing soon?'
“'I can't say, indeed,' said he. 'Are you interested in the case?'
“'I should think I was,' said I, an' then I told him about Jone's bein'
a juryman, an' how we was on our bridal-trip.
“'You've got my sympathy, madam,' says he, 'but it's a difficult case to
decide, an' I don't wonder it takes a good while.'
“'Nor I nuther,' says I, 'an' my opinion about these things is, that if
you'd jus' have them lawyers shut up in another room, an' make 'em do
their talkin' to theirselves, the jury could keep their minds clear, and
settle the cases in no time.'
“'There's some sense in that, madam,' says he, an' then he went into
court ag'in.
“Jone never had no chance to jine in with the other fellers, for they
couldn't agree, an' they were all discharged, at last. So the whole
thing went for nuthin.
“When Jone come out, he looked like he'd been drawn through a pump-log,
an' he says to me, tired-like,
“'Has there been a frost?'
“'Yes,' says I, 'two of 'em.'
“'All right, then,' says he. 'I've had enough of bridal-trips, with
their dry falls, their lunatic asylums, and their jury-boxes. Let's
go home and settle down. We needn't be afraid, now that there's been a
frost.'”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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