Humorous stories; Valets -- Fiction; Washington (State) -- Fiction
“Your determination,” he answered, “bears rather sinister
implications. One may be vanquished by America as I have been. One may
even submit; but surely one may always resist a little, may not one?
One need not abjectly surrender one’s finest convictions, need one?”
“Oh, shucks,” put in Cousin Egbert petulantly, “what’s the use of all
that ‘one’ stuff? Bill wants a good American name for his place. Me? I
first thought the ‘Bon Ton Eating House’ would be kind of a nice name
for it, but as soon as he said the ‘United States Grill’ I knew it was
a better one. It sounds kind of grand and important.”
Belknap-Jackson here made deprecating clucks, but not too directly
toward Cousin Egbert, and my choice of a name was not further
criticised. I went on to assure them that I should have an
establishment quietly smart rather than noisily elegant, and that I
made no doubt the place would give a new tone to Red Gap, whereat they
all expressed themselves as immensely pleased, and our little
conference came to an end.
In company with Cousin Egbert I now went to examine the premises I was
to take over. There was a spacious corner room, lighted from the front
and side, which would adapt itself well to the decorative scheme I had
in mind. The kitchen with its ranges I found would be almost quite
suitable for my purpose, requiring but little alteration, but the
large room was of course atrociously impossible in the American
fashion, with unsightly walls, the floors covered with American cloth
of a garish pattern, and the small, oblong tables and flimsy chairs
vastly uninviting.
As to the gross ideals of the former tenant, I need only say that he
had made, as I now learned, a window display of foods, quite after the
manner of a draper’s window: moulds of custard set in a row, flanked
on either side by “pies,” as the natives call their tarts, with
perhaps a roast fowl or ham in the centre. Artistic vulgarity could of
course go little beyond this, but almost as offensive were the
abundant wall-placards pathetically remaining in place.
“Coffee like mother used to make,” read one. Impertinently intimate
this, professing a familiarity with one’s people that would never do
with us. “Try our Boston Baked Beans,” pleaded another, quite
abjectly. And several others quite indelicately stated the prices at
which different dishes might be had: “Irish Stew, 25 cents”;
“Philadelphia Capon, 35 cents”; “Fried Chicken, Maryland, 50 cents”;
“New York Fancy Broil, 40 cents.” Indeed the poor chap seemed to have
been possessed by a geographical mania, finding it difficult to submit
the simplest viands without crediting them to distant towns or
provinces.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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