Humorous stories; Valets -- Fiction; Washington (State) -- Fiction
The conviction ran, let me repeat, that we had another pot of broth on
the fire. I gleaned as much from the Mixer, she being one of the few
others besides Cousin Egbert in whose liking the Honourable George had
not terrifically descended. She made it a point to address me on the
subject over a dish of tea at the Grill one afternoon, choosing a
table sufficiently remote from my other feminine guests, who
doubtless, at their own tables, discussed the same complication. I was
indeed glad that we were remote from other occupied tables, because in
the course of her remarks she quite forcefully uttered an oath, which
I thought it as well not to have known that I cared to tolerate in my
lady patrons.
“As to what Jackson feels about the way it was handed out to him that
Sunday,” she bluntly declared, “I don’t care a----” The oath quite
dazed me for a moment, although I had been warned that she would use
language on occasion. “What I do care about,” she went on briskly, “is
that I won’t have this girl pestered by Jackson or by you or by any
man that wears hair! Why, Jackson talks so silly about her sometimes
you’d think she was a bad woman--and he keeps hinting about something
he’s going to put over till I can hardly keep my hands off him. I just
know some day he’ll make me forget I’m a lady. Now, take it from me,
Bill, if you’re setting in with him, don’t start anything you can’t
finish.”
Really she was quite fierce about it. I mean to say, the glitter in
her eyes made me recall what Cousin Egbert had said of Mrs. Effie, her
being quite entirely willing to take on a rattlesnake and give it the
advantage of the first two assaults. Somewhat flustered I was, yet I
hastened to assure her that, whatever steps I might feel obliged to
take for the protection of the Honourable George, they would involve
nothing at all unfair to the lady in question.
“Well, they better hadn’t!” she resumed threateningly. “That girl had
a hard time all right, but listen here--she’s as right as a church.
She couldn’t fool me a minute if she wasn’t. Don’t you suppose I been
around and around quite some? Just because she likes to have a good
time and outdresses these dames here--is that any reason they should
get out their hammers? Ain’t she earned some right to a good time,
tell me, after being married when she was a silly kid to Two-spot
Kenner, the swine--and God bless the trigger finger of the man that
bumped him off! As for the poor old Judge, don’t worry. I like the old
boy, but Kate Kenner won’t do anything more than make a monkey of him
just to spite Jackson and his band of lady knockers. Marry him? Say,
get me right, Bill--I’ll put it as delicate as I can--the Judge is too
darned far from being a mental giant for that.”
I dare say she would have slanged me for another half-hour but for the
constant strain of keeping her voice down. As it was, she boomed up
now and again in a way that reduced to listening silence the ladies at
several distant tables.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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