Von Klausen, by the battlements of the promenade at Notre Dame de la
Garde, had spoken the truth. He was deeply in love. He was truly in love
for the first and last time in his life; and because animal passion had
asserted itself in Paris, and because that passion seemed to be the
characteristic of those butterfly affairs that had preceded this love
for Muriel, he now repudiated it, or at least repressed it, altogether.
This love was a holy thing to him, and so much of it as he could not
have with the sanction of holy authority he would not now attempt at
all to secure. The fact of his previous relations with other women, and
of his once having looked upon Muriel with the same eyes with which he
had looked upon those others, made it impossible for him now to do more
than kneel before her in an agony of renunciation and farewell as one
might kneel at the shrine of some virginal goddess before starting upon
a lifelong journey into the countries where that goddess is unknown.
They had talked for hours before he so much as touched her hand; yet
Muriel had her moments of frank rebellion.
"If you saw things as I do," she said, "you would see that what we now
think of as so right might end by being very wrong."
"Nothing," he answered, "can be wrong that religion has decreed to be
right."
"Not the ruin of our lives?"
"When the saving of our happiness involves the wreck of your
husband's----"
"Do I help him by giving you up and living on with him when I don't
honestly love him? Can't you see what I mean? I am fond of Jim; he is
good and kind and brave; but somehow--I don't know why: I don't know
why, but, oh, I can't love him! I even understand now that I never did
love him."
"Nevertheless, you are married to him."
"Yes; but is a divorce wrong when----"
"A divorce is always wrong."
"Your church didn't perform the marriage, why should it consider the
marriage a real one?"
"Because it has decreed that a true marriage according to the rite of
any faith is binding."
"But marriage is a contract."
"Marriage is a sacrament."
They would get so far--always darting down this byway and that of
casuistry, only to find that the ways were blind alleys ending against
the impregnable wall of arbitrary custom--and then she would come back
to his point of view. She would came back with tears, which made her
great eyes so lovely that he could only just restrain himself from
taking her into his arms; and she would brush away the tears and smile,
and, sitting apart, they would be joined in their high sorrow, made one
in a passion of abnegation.
But he could not leave the house. Each knew that when he did leave it
must be forever. They were agreed upon the impossibility of a continued
proximity, upon the mockery of a sentimental friendship, and they clung,
with weak tenacity to every slipping moment of this concluding
interview.
In one of their long pauses a clock struck twelve.
Muriel started.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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