So much for Baedeker. But Baedeker either does not know everything, or
else, like a really good traveller, he keeps to himself, lest tourists
spoil, some of the best things that he has seen. The plateau above which
hangs the cave that tradition describes as The Magdalen's last
residence is, in fact, as far out of the world as if its first tenant
had tried to climb as near to Heaven as she could before she quitted the
earth altogether, and so far as the wandering American is concerned, it
might quite as well be across the celestial border.
Yet it was to the Ste. Baume that Muriel had gone, and that she had
written to her husband. For Muriel, too, had passed a night of wracking
reflection, and the dim dawn had found her clear upon one resolve.
The anger that had been kindled by Stainton's accusation slowly died
away. She saw that, though he had assumed her love for von Klausen to
have carried her so much farther than she had indeed been carried, the
difference was only of degree; and, though she was far from condemning
herself, she knew that her husband would, even knowing all, condemn her
because he would judge her by the standards of that ancient fallacy
which sees wrong not in the deed but in the desire.
She was clear in her own mind as to the course that she had pursued, but
she was equally clear that Jim had acted as truly in conformance with
his lights as she had with hers. She recognised as she had never before
recognised those qualities in Jim which, she felt, should have at least
won from her a less recriminative tone than she had, the night before,
assumed toward him. She remembered the evening when she had promised
herself to him in that long ago and far away New York--how tall and
strong and fine he had seemed, how virile and yet how much the master,
of his fate and of himself as well. She remembered how he had crushed
her to his breast--how she had responded. She was changed. She was sure
that she was changed for the better. But what was it that had changed
her? That night in New York the miracle had happened. Were miracles of
such short life?
In an agony of endeavour she set herself to recalling his thousand
little kindnesses, and each one seemed to rise at her summons to point
its accusing finger at her anger. Why couldn't she have been gentler to
him? She was at a loss for the answer. She told herself that, in
character, he was unscalable heights above her. She was ashamed of her
anger, ashamed of her hatred; she regarded him, in her self-abasement,
as something even of a saint, yet love him she could not: the thought of
any physical contact with him made her shiver.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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