"Yes, yes, I love you. I think you knew it before?" She made no reply.
"I think I have loved you from the first,--from the moment when,
callous and _blasé_ as I had come to believe myself--as, God knows, I
had good right to be, if human nature may ever claim such a right--I
could not bear to see the way your fate was drifting, or to hear the
chances for and against you calculated, as men calculate such odds. I
think I loved you from the moment I perceived how completely you had
mistaken your own heart, and how beautifully, how innocently loyal you
were to the error. While your delusion lasted, Lady Mitford, you were
safe with me and from me, for in that delusion there was security.
While you loved Mitford, and believed that he returned your love, you
would never have perceived that any other man loved you. But you are a
woman who cannot be partially deceived or undeceived; therefore I tell
you now, when your delusion is wholly at an end, when it can come no
more to blind your eyes, and rend your heart with the removal of the
bandage, that I love you,--devotedly, changelessly, eternally. You
must take this fact into account when you meditate upon your future;
you must number this among the component parts of your life. Hush! not
yet. I am not speaking thus through reckless audacity, availing itself
of your position; you know I am not, and you must hear me to the end."
She had made a movement as if about to speak, but he had again checked
her; and they maintained their relative positions, he looking down at
her, she looking up at him.
"We are facing facts, Lady Mitford. I love you, not as the man who
left you, in your first year of marriage, for the worthless woman who
forsook me for a richer lover, and would have wronged the fool who
bought her without a scruple, could she have got me into her power
again--not as he loved you, even when he came nearest to the truth of
love. That woman, your enemy, your _rival_,"--he spoke the word with a
stringent scorn which would have been the keenest punishment in human
power to have inflicted on the woman it designated,--"she knows I
love you, and she has struck at me through you; struck at me, poor
fool--for she is fool as well as fiend--a blow which has recoiled upon
herself. She has taught me how much, how well, how devotedly I love
you, and learned the lesson herself thereby, for the intuition of hate
is no less keen than that of love. But why do I speak of her? Only to
make you understand that I am a portion of your fate,--only to lay the
whole truth before you; only to make it clear to you that mine is no
chance contact, no mere intrusion. I am not a presumptuous fool, who
has dared to use a generously-granted friendship as a cover for an
illicit passion. Have patience with me a little longer. Let me tell
you all the truth. You cannot dismiss me from your presence as you
might another who had dared to love you, and dared to tell you so; you
cannot do this."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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