"You have not offended me," she said very slowly: "perhaps I ought to
be offended, but I am not. I think you judge me aright when you say
that truth holds the foremost place in and for me: therefore I tell
you truth. You have grieved me; you have added a heavy burden to a
load which is not very easy to bear, though the world, which you
exhort me to despise and to deny, cannot lay a feather's weight upon
it. Your friendship was very dear to me,--very precious; I did not
know how dear, I think, until to-day."
How eagerly he listened to the thrilling voice! how ardently he gazed
into the dreamy beautiful eyes! how breathlessly he kept the silence
so hard to maintain!
"If I could use any further disguise with myself, Sir Laurence, if
self-deception could have any further power over me, I might terminate
this interview here, and tell you, and tell myself, that it should be
forgotten. But I have done with self-deception."
"For God's sake, don't speak in that bitter tone!" Alsager said
entreatingly; "spare me, if you will not spare yourself."
"No," she replied; "I will spare neither you nor myself. Why should I?
The world has spared neither of us--will spare neither of us; only it
will tell lies, and I will tell truths,--that's all."
Her colour was heightened, and her eyes were flashing now; but the
pressure of her hand upon her bosom was steady.
"You have read my story aright: I know not by what art or science--but
you have read it. If, as you say, you have an involuntary share, an
unconscious responsibility in my heavy trial, it is a misfortune,
which I put away from my thoughts; I hold you in no way accountable.
My sorrow is my own; my delusion is over; my duty remains."
"Do you speak of duty to Sir Charles Mitford?" asked Alsager with a
sneer.
"Yes," she said gently; "I do. Your tone is unworthy of you, Sir
Laurence; but I pass it by; for it is the tone of a man of the world,
to whom inclination is a law. Can my husband's faithlessness absolve
me from fidelity? Is his sin any excuse for my defection from my duty?
You say truly, I cannot love him now as I loved him when I did not
know him as he is; but I can do my duty to him still--a hard duty, but
imperative. The time will come when this woman will weary of him, of
her vain and futile vengeance; and then--"
"Well, Lady Mitford, and then--?" asked Alsager in a cold hard voice.
She looked at him with eyes in which a holy calm had succeeded to her
transient passion, and replied:
"Then he will return to me, and I must be ready to meet him without a
shade upon my conscience, without a blush upon my cheek."
He started up angrily, and exclaimed:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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