Sir Laurence Alsager's angry mood was of short duration. The day after
that interview in which he had spoke words that he had never intended
to speak, and heard words which he had never thought to hear, he felt
that a great change had fallen upon him. This woman who had rejected
his love, not because she did not reciprocate it, but because it was
unlawful; this woman who had had the strongest and subtlest temptation
which can assail the human heart set before her--the temptation at
once of consolation and of retaliation, of revenge upon the husband
who had deceived and the enemy who had injured her, and who had met it
with utterly disarming rectitude; this woman to whom duty was dearer
than love,--she had changed the face of the world and the meaning of
life for him. He had many times believed a lie, and not seldom had he
worshipped a sham; but he has detected the one and exposed the other,
and gone on his way not much the worse for the delusion, and a good
deal wiser for the experience. Life had, however, never brought him
anything like this before, and he knew it never would again. He should
never love, he could never love, any other woman than this peerless
one who could never be his, from whom her own mandate--he knew its
power and unchangeableness--had severed him, whom he must leave in the
grasp of sorrow and perplexity. He mused long and painfully over the
interview of the preceding day, and he asked himself how it was that,
dear as she had been to him, early as he had ceased to struggle
against her influence, he had never understood the strength, the
dignity, the perfect rectitude of her character before. It never
occurred to Sir Laurence that he had not looked for these qualities;
that he had never studied her disposition but in the most superficial
way; that his love for her was founded upon no fine theory whatsoever;
that it had sprung up partly in admiration of her exceeding beauty,
partly in chivalrous compassion for her disastrous situation, and
found its remaining constituent in a hearty contempt and abhorrence of
Sir Charles Mitford. In short, Sir Laurence did not understand that he
had done just as other people do,--fallen in love with a woman first,
and found out what sort of woman she really was afterwards.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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