Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; Mothers and sons -- Fiction; Religious fiction; Unmarried mothers -- Fiction
She was glad to cut her sisters short in the details which they were
so mercilessly inflicting--details which she must harden herself to,
before she could hear them quietly and unmoved. She saw that she had
lost her place as the first object in Mr Farquhar's eyes--a position
she had hardly cared for while she was secure in the enjoyment of it;
but the charm of it now was redoubled, in her acute sense of how she
had forfeited it by her own doing, and her own fault. For if he were
the cold, calculating man her father had believed him to be, and had
represented him as being to her, would he care for a portionless
widow in humble circumstances like Mrs Denbigh; no money, no
connexion, encumbered with her boy? The very action which proved Mr
Farquhar to be lost to Jemima reinstated him on his throne in her
fancy. And she must go on in hushed quietness, quivering with every
fresh token of his preference for another! That other, too, one so
infinitely more worthy of him than herself; so that she could not
have even the poor comfort of thinking that he had no discrimination,
and was throwing himself away on a common or worthless person. Ruth
was beautiful, gentle, good, and conscientious. The hot colour
flushed up into Jemima's sallow face as she became aware that, even
while she acknowledged these excellences on Mrs Denbigh's part, she
hated her. The recollection of her marble face wearied her even to
sickness; the tones of her low voice were irritating from their very
softness. Her goodness, undoubted as it was, was more distasteful
than many faults which had more savour of human struggle in them.
"What was this terrible demon in her heart?" asked Jemima's better
angel. "Was she, indeed, given up to possession? Was not this the old
stinging hatred which had prompted so many crimes? The hatred of all
sweet virtues which might win the love denied to us? The old anger
that wrought in the elder brother's heart, till it ended in the
murder of the gentle Abel, while yet the world was young?"
"Oh, God! help me! I did not know I was so wicked," cried Jemima
aloud in her agony. It had been a terrible glimpse into the dark,
lurid gulf--the capability for evil, in her heart. She wrestled with
the demon, but he would not depart; it was to be a struggle whether
or not she was to be given up to him, in this her time of sore
temptation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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