Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; Mothers and sons -- Fiction; Religious fiction; Unmarried mothers -- Fiction
"No! not perhaps in that. I was not thinking of that. But I have been
thinking a great deal about poor Ruth's--you know I could not help it
when everybody was talking about it--and it made me think of myself,
and what I am. With a father and mother, and home and careful
friends, I am not likely to be tempted like Ruth; but oh! Mr Benson,"
said she, lifting her eyes, which were full of tears, to his face,
for the first time since she began to speak, "if you knew all I have
been thinking and feeling this last year, you would see how I have
yielded to every temptation that was able to come to me; and, seeing
how I have no goodness or strength in me, and how I might just have
been like Ruth, or rather, worse than she ever was, because I am more
headstrong and passionate by nature, I do so thank you and love you
for what you did for her! And will you tell me really and truly now
if I can ever do anything for Ruth? If you'll promise me that, I
won't rebel unnecessarily against papa; but if you don't, I will, and
come and see you all this very afternoon. Remember! I trust you!"
said she, breaking away. Then turning back, she came to ask after
Leonard.
"He must know something of it," said she. "Does he feel it much?"
"Very much," said Mr Benson. Jemima shook her head sadly.
"It is hard upon him," said she.
"It is," Mr Benson replied.
For in truth, Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors. His health
seemed shaken, he spoke half sentences in his sleep, which showed
that in his dreams he was battling on his mother's behalf against an
unkind and angry world. And then he would wail to himself, and utter
sad words of shame, which they never thought had reached his ears. By
day, he was in general grave and quiet; but his appetite varied, and
he was evidently afraid of going into the streets, dreading to be
pointed at as an object of remark. Each separately in their hearts
longed to give him change of scene, but they were all silent, for
where was the requisite money to come from?
His temper became fitful and variable. At times he would be most
sullen against his mother; and then give way to a passionate remorse.
When Mr Benson caught Ruth's look of agony at her child's rebuffs,
his patience failed; or rather, I should say, he believed that a
stronger, severer hand than hers was required for the management of
the lad. But, when she heard Mr Benson say so, she pleaded with him.
"Have patience with Leonard," she said. "I have deserved the anger
that is fretting in his heart. It is only I who can reinstate myself
in his love and respect. I have no fear. When he sees me really
striving hard and long to do what is right, he must love me. I am not
afraid."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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