Ruth had not ceased to realize, during the tremendous events of
these last weeks, that at any moment someone might appear to betray
her; and she had kept some calculation of the probable consequence.
When she had first embraced this wild enterprise, which fate had
seemed to proffer, she had entered upon considerable risks; if
caught, she would have the difficult burden of proof, when she was
taking the enemy’s money and using a passport supplied by the enemy
and following--outwardly, at least--the enemy’s instructions, that
she was not actually acting for the enemy. But if she had been
betrayed during the first days, it would have been possible to show
how the true Cynthia Gail met her death and to show that she--Ruth
Alden--could have had no hand in that. But now more than two months
had passed since that day in Chicago when Ruth Alden took on her
present identity--more than two months since the body of Cynthia
Gail, still unrecognized, must have been cremated or laid away in
some nameless grave. Therefore, the former possibility no longer
existed.
Horror at her position, if she suddenly faced one of Cynthia Gail’s
family, sometimes startled Ruth up wide-awake in bed at night. She
had not been able to think what to do in such case as that; her mind
had simply balked before it; and every added week with its letters
subscribed by those forged “Thias” to Cynthia’s father, and those
intimate endearments to Cynthia’s mother, and those letters about
love to George Byrne--well, every day had made it more and more
impossible to prepare for the sometime inevitable confession.
For confession to Cynthia’s family must come if Ruth lived; but
only--she prayed--after the war and after she had done such service
that Cynthia’s people could at least partially understand why she
had tricked them. The best end of all, perhaps--and perhaps the most
probable--was that Ruth should be killed; she would die, then, as
Cynthia, and no one would challenge the dead. That was how Ruth
dismissed the matter when the terror within clamored for answer. But
she could not so dismiss it now.
Impulse seized her to flee and to hide. But, in the France of the
war, she could not easily do that; nor could she slip off from
Cynthia’s identity and name without complete disaster. Anywhere she
went--even if she desired to take lodgings in a different zone in
Paris, or indeed if she was to dwell elsewhere in the same zone--she
must present Cynthia’s passport and continue as Cynthia. And other,
and more conclusive reasons, controlled her.
Her sole justification for having become Cynthia Gail was her belief
that she could go into Germany by aid of the German agents who would
know her as Cynthia Gail. They could find her only if she went about
Cynthia Gail’s work and lived at the lodgings here.
Ruth was getting herself together during these moments of
realization. She opened the bedroom door and called in Milicent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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