Sailors' Knots (Entire Collection)Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Sailors' Knots (Entire Collection)
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
“Why shouldn't he mistake me for a ghost?” he ses at last; “the shock
might do 'im good. And, if you come to that, why shouldn't I pretend to
be my own ghost and warn 'im off the drink?”
Mrs. Burtenshaw got so excited at the idea she couldn't 'ardly speak,
but at last, arter saying over and over agin she wouldn't do such a
thing for worlds, she and Silas arranged that he should come in at about
three o'clock in the morning and give Bill a solemn warning. She gave
'im her key, and Silas said he'd come in with his 'air and cap all wet
and pretend he'd been drowned.
“It's very kind of you to take all this trouble for nothing,” ses Mrs.
Burtenshaw as Silas got up to go.
“Don't mention it,” ses Silas. “It ain't the fust time, and I don't
suppose it'll be the last, that I've put myself out to help my
feller-creeturs. We all ought to do wot we can for each other.”
“Mind, if he finds it out,” ses Mrs. Burtenshaw, all of a tremble,
“I don't know nothing about it. P'r'aps to make it more life-like I'd
better pretend not to see you.”
“P'r'aps it would be better,” ses Silas, stopping at the street door.
“All I ask is that you'll 'ide the poker and anything else that might be
laying about handy. And you 'ad better oil the lock so as the key won't
make a noise.”
Mrs. Burtenshaw shut the door arter 'im, and then she went in and 'ad
a quiet sit-down all by 'erself to think it over. The only thing that
comforted 'er was that Bill would be in licker, and also that 'e would
believe anything in the ghost line.
It was past twelve when a couple o' pals brought him 'ome, and, arter
offering to fight all six of 'em, one after the other, Bill hit the wall
for getting in 'is way, and tumbled upstairs to bed. In less than ten
minutes 'e was fast asleep, and pore Mrs. Burtenshaw, arter trying her
best to keep awake, fell asleep too.
She was woke up suddenly by a noise that froze the marrer in 'er bones—
the most 'art-rending groan she 'ad ever heard in 'er life; and, raising
her 'ead, she saw Silas Winch standing at the foot of the bed. He 'ad
done his face and hands over with wot is called loominous paint, his cap
was pushed at the back of his 'ead, and wet wisps of 'air was hanging
over his eyes. For a moment Mrs. Burtenshaw's 'art stood still and then
Silas let off another groan that put her on edge all over. It was a
groan that seemed to come from nothing a'most until it spread into a
roar that made the room tremble and rattled the jug in the wash-stand
basin. It shook everything in the room but Bill, and he went on sleeping
like an infant. Silas did two more groans, and then 'e leaned over the
foot o' the bed, and stared at Bill, as though 'e couldn't believe his
eyesight.
'She Saw Silas Winch Standing at the Foot of The Bed.'
“Try a squeaky one,” ses Mrs. Burtenshaw.
Silas tried five squeaky ones, and then he 'ad a fit o' coughing that
would ha' woke the dead, as they say, but it didn't wake Bill.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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