“You can't, expect me to take the priest's view, sir.”
Pierson's lips trembled.
“You call it a priest's view; I think it is only the view of a man
of honour.”
Fort reddened. “That's for my conscience,” he said stubbornly.
“I can't tell you, and I'm not going to, how things began. I was
a fool. But I did my best, and I know that Leila doesn't think
I'm bound. If she had, she would never have gone. When there's no
feeling—there never was real feeling on my side—and when there's
this terribly real feeling for Noel, which I never sought, which I tried
to keep down, which I ran away from—”
“Did you?”
“Yes. To go on with the other was foul. I should have thought you
might have seen that, sir; but I did go on with it. It was Leila who
made an end.”
“Leila behaved nobly, I think.”
“She was splendid; but that doesn't make me a brute.”.
Pierson turned away to the window, whence he must see Noel.
“It is repugnant to me,” he said. “Is there never to be any purity
in her life?”
“Is there never to be any life for her? At your rate, sir, there will
be none. I'm no worse than other men, and I love her more than they
could.”
For fully a minute Pierson stood silent, before he said: “Forgive me
if I've spoken harshly. I didn't mean to. I love her intensely; I
wish for nothing but her good. But all my life I have believed that for
a man there is only one woman—for a woman only one man.”
“Then, Sir,” Fort burst out, “you wish her—”
Pierson had put his hand up, as if to ward off a blow; and, angry though
he was, Fort stopped.
“We are all made of flesh and blood,” he continued coldly, “and it
seems to me that you think we aren't.”
“We have spirits too, Captain Fort.” The voice was suddenly so
gentle that Fort's anger evaporated.
“I have a great respect for you, sir; but a greater love for Noel, and
nothing in this world will prevent me trying to give my life to her.”
A smile quivered over Pierson's face. “If you try, then I can but
pray that you will fail.”
Fort did not answer, and went out.
He walked slowly away from the bungalow, with his head down, sore,
angry, and yet-relieved. He knew where he stood; nor did he feel that
he had been worsted—those strictures had not touched him. Convicted
of immorality, he remained conscious of private justifications, in a
way that human beings have. Only one little corner of memory, unseen
and uncriticised by his opponent, troubled him. He pardoned himself the
rest; the one thing he did not pardon was the fact that he had known
Noel before his liaison with Leila commenced; had even let Leila sweep
him away on, an evening when he had been in Noel's company. For that
he felt a real disgust with himself. And all the way back to the station
he kept thinking: 'How could I? I deserve to lose her! Still, I shall
try; but not now—not yet!' And, wearily enough, he took the train
back to town.
III
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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