“Play to me,” she said; “no—don't; I'll play to you.” And
sitting down, she began to play and sing a little French song, whose
first line ran: “Si on est jolie, jolie comme vous.” It was soft,
gay, charming. If the girl cried, so much the better. But Noel did not
cry. She seemed suddenly to have recovered all her self-possession. She
spoke calmly, answered Leila's questions without emotion, and said
she would go home. Leila went out with her, and walked some way in the
direction of her home; distressed, but frankly at a loss. At the bottom
of Portland Place Noel stopped and said: “I'm quite all right now,
Leila; thank you awfully. I shall just go home and lie down. And I shall
come to-morrow, the same as usual. Goodbye!” Leila could only grasp
the girl's hand, and say: “My dear, that's splendid. There's
many a slip—besides, it's war-time.”
With that saying, enigmatic even to herself, she watched the girl
moving slowly away; and turned back herself towards her hospital, with a
disturbed and compassionate heart.
2
But Noel did not go east; she walked down Regent Street. She had
received a certain measure of comfort, been steadied by her experienced
cousin's vitality, and the new thoughts suggested by those words:
“He hasn't quite gone from you, has he?” “Besides, it's
war-time.” Leila had spoken freely, too, and the physical ignorance in
which the girl had been groping these last weeks was now removed. Like
most proud natures, she did not naturally think much about the opinion
of other people; besides, she knew nothing of the world, its feelings
and judgments. Her nightmare was the thought of her father's horror
and grief. She tried to lessen that nightmare by remembering his
opposition to her marriage, and the resentment she had felt. He had
never realised, never understood, how she and Cyril loved. Now, if she
were really going to have a child, it would be Cyril's—Cyril's
son—Cyril over again. The instinct stronger than reason, refinement,
tradition, upbringing, which had pushed her on in such haste to
make sure of union—the irrepressible pulse of life faced with
annihilation—seemed to revive within her, and make her terrible secret
almost precious. She had read about “War babies” in the papers,
read with a dull curiosity; but now the atmosphere, as it were, of
those writings was illumined for her. These babies were wrong, were a
“problem,” and yet, behind all that, she seemed now to know that
people were glad of them; they made up, they filled the gaps. Perhaps,
when she had one, she would be proud, secretly proud, in spite of
everyone, in spite of her father! They had tried to kill Cyril—God and
everyone; but they hadn't been able, he was alive within her! A glow
came into her face, walking among the busy shopping crowd, and people
turned to look at her; she had that appearance of seeing no one,
nothing, which is strange and attractive to those who have a moment
to spare from contemplation of their own affairs. Fully two hours she
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