"My word! I did not give you my word," she cried, eagerly. "No. I--I
never said--: and," after a pause, "if I had said it, how do you imagine
I was going to escape? Escape! from what? That is the worst--one cannot
escape," said the miserable woman, speaking as if by an uncontrollable
impulse, "never more; especially if one keeps quiet in one place and has
nothing to do," she continued after a pause, recovering herself by
strange gleams now and then for a moment; "that is why I came out, to
escape, as you say, for half an hour, Mr. Vincent. Besides, I don't have
news enough--not nearly enough. How do you think I can keep still when
nobody sends me any news? How long is it since I saw you last? And I
have heard nothing since then--not a syllable! and you expect me to sit
still, because I have given my word? Besides," after another breathless
pause, and another gleam of self-recovery, "the laws of honour don't
extend to women. We are weak, and we are allowed to lie."
"You are speaking wildly," said Vincent, with some compassion and some
horror, putting his hand on her arm to guide her back to the house. Mrs.
Hilyard gave a slight convulsive start, drew away from his touch, and
gazed upon him with an agony of fright and terror in her eyes.
"We agreed that I was to stay with Alice," she said. "You forget I am
staying with Alice: she--she keeps me safe, you know. Ah! people change
so; I am sometimes--half afraid--of Alice, Mr. Vincent. My child is like
her--my child--she did not know me!" cried the wretched woman, with a
sob that came out of the depths of her heart; "after all that happened,
she did not know me! To be sure, that was quite natural," she went on
again, once more recovering her balance for an instant, "she could not
know me! and I am not beautiful, like Lady Western, to please a child's
eye. Beauty is good--very good. I was once pretty myself; any man would
have forgiven me as you did when Alice came with her lovely face; but I
daresay your mother would not have minded had it been she. Ah, that
reminds me," said Mrs. Hilyard, gradually acquiring a little more
steadiness, "that was why I came out: to go to your mother--to ask if
perhaps she had heard anything--from my child."
"This is madness," said Vincent; "you know my mother could not possibly
hear about your child; you want to escape-- I can see it in your eyes."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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