Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
“It seems,” went on Mr. Braddock, “that she read something in a paper,
written by some silly ass, which said that she ought to test your
affection by pretending to flirt with some other cove. And when she did,
you broke off the engagement. And the gist, if you understand me, of
what I buzzed round to say is that she loves you still and was only
fooling when she sent that other bloke the lock of hair.”
“Ah?” said Mr. Molloy.
“So it’s all right, isn’t it?”
“It’s all right by me,” said Mr. Molloy, wishing--for it sounded
interesting--that he knew what all this was about.
“Then that’s that, what?”
“You said it, brother.”
Mr. Braddock paused. He seemed disappointed at a certain lack of emotion
on his companion’s part.
“She’s rather expecting you to dash round right away, you know--fold her
in your arms, and all that.”
This was a complication which Soapy had not foreseen.
“Well, I’ll tell you,” he said. “I’ve a lot of work to do around this
house and I don’t quite see how I can get away. Say, listen, brother,
you tell her I’ll be round later on in the evening.”
“All right. I’m glad everything’s satisfactory. She’s a nice girl
really.”
“None better,” said Mr. Molloy generously.
“I still think she threw a stone at my top hat that day, but dash it,”
said Mr. Braddock warmly, “let the dead past bury its dead, what?”
“Couldn’t do a wiser thing,” said Mr. Molloy.
* * * * *
He closed the door; and having breathed a little stertorously, mounted
the stairs.
“Who was it?” called Dolly from the first landing.
“Some nut babbling about a girl.”
“Oh? Well, I’m having a hunt round in the best bedroom. You go on
looking in the drawing-room.”
Soapy turned his steps towards the drawing-room, but he did not reach
it. For as he was preparing to cross the threshold, the front doorbell
rang.
It seemed to Soapy that he was being called upon to endure more than man
was ever intended to bear. That, at least, was his view as he dragged
his reluctant feet to the door. It was only when he opened it that he
realised that he had underestimated the malevolence of fate. Standing on
the top step was a policeman.
“Hell!” cried Soapy. And while we blame him for the intemperate
ejaculation, we must in fairness admit that the situation seemed to call
for some such remark. He stood goggling, a chill like the stroke of an
icy finger running down his spine.
“’Evening, sir,” said the policeman. “Mr. Shotter?”
Soapy’s breath returned.
“That’s me,” he said huskily. This thing, coming so soon after his
unrehearsed impersonation of Hash Todhunter, made him feel the sort of
dizzy feeling which a small-part actor must experience who has to open a
play as Jervis, a footman, and then rush up to his dressing room, make a
complete change and return five minutes later as Lord George Spelvin,
one of Lady Hemmingway’s guests at The Towers.
The policeman fumbled in the recesses of his costume.
“Noo resident, sir, I think?”
“Yes.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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